Sorry to be posting so late today. My son is still out of school on Spring Break through today, so he has kept me hopping. I am sooo ready for him to go back to school tomorrow!
Last night, I watched the TV show V for the first time. I was a big fan of the original miniseries back in the 1980’s, but one of my favorite shows conflicted with the airing of this remake. I have since learned that my DVR can record two shows at once (Hooray!), so now I have added V to my queue. (I am in the process of catching up on TV shows I missed while I was out of town for Spring Break.)
Anyhow, the premise of V is that alien “visitors” are pretending to be friendly but are actually manipulating humans for their own nefarious purposes. They promise one thing but then push and push the boundaries until they get their way.
Sure enough, when I went to sleep last night, I dreamt about V, and the dream segued into people in my life that keep pushing the boundaries, such as my mother/abuser. I woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, and I was sooo angry! I decided at 2:00 a.m. that I would blog about this.
Setting and maintaining boundaries is the key to feeling safe. Because my mother/abuser has no concept of respecting boundaries, I continue to feel unsafe whenever she tries to worm her way back into my life.
I don’t know why watching V gave me such an aha moment, but it did. Well, that combined with all of your comments and observations about how I keep telling my mother the same thing – she just keeps refusing to listen. I am not being unclear – she is just being hardheaded and determined to get her way.
Sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by people like that – people who just push and push until I give in. I feel like I am b@#chy a lot, and yet that seems to be the only language that hub and my son seem to be able to “hear.” I will say, “Please don’t do that,” then “Don’t do that,” to a firm “Stop,” to “Stop f@#$ing doing that before I f@#$ing rip your head off!!!!!!” Both hub and my son will look at me surprised and say, “You didn’t have to yell,” to which I reply in an exasperated voice, “Clearly I did!!!!”
I sometimes think I would have to leave my entire life behind and start over in order to have relationships where people are not constantly pushing my boundaries. I am making improvement. It just sucks that I have to be in a battle of wills constantly with those who are supposedly closest to me (all family). It is hard to trust when you always have to be ready to do battle.
Photo credit: Rosanne Mooney
Blooming Lotus 
I know exactly what you mean. Maybe we are not saying loud enough the first time 🙂
Many thoughts on your post. Yes, I remember the original mini-series V. It was quite impressive and could also evoke those feelings of fear and potential manipulation. Sci-Fi shows are good at addressing issues that are common for all of us through almost archeatypal means.
Perhaps relavent to you, or perhaps not, but on my mind because I just came from speaking to someone about issues of boundaries and the need to control in order to feel safe. I think the issues go both ways. Our boundaries are always being violated because we are all people with different needs and perceptions. Often, once we are out of a directly abusive setting, these boundary violations are not intentional or meant to be harmful, but for those of us who have known signficant violation of our boundaries- which includes violation of our basic rights and needs, anything that pushes that button can feel overwhelming. Perhaps the challenge is how to feel safe even while accepting the reality that we can’t have control over situations and people that might hurt us. I walk both sides of this. I can recognize this dynamic when I see it in others, and do my best to help them gain perspective and to regain their balance, but when it hits me, I am afraid and seeking balance myself. And often for me it can happen both ways in the context of the same day. Blessings.
I love what you wrote here. So true.
Sometimes I think that because of our acclimation to boundary violations, although we SAY things, maybe our energy and body language may not a vibrational match for what we say… resulting in people ignoring us? Or maybe we tend to choose the people we do to surround us because internally it’s what we know.
Anyway, thanks for the insights. It makes me feel better about it.
Peace,
mia
Well said. Wellll said.
ang
I have ALWAYS had the problem you describe about people not listening till I loose my shit. I absolutely hate that! I almost laughed out loud when i read that part.
I’m currently trying a new approach with my son because he tends to tune me out. When I’m saying something that is really important, I make sure I use a buzz word/phrase. I say, “AND I mean it”. It has been working pretty well, but I forget a lot… and I still hate that I have to resort to tricks to get people to listen. sigh.
Good luck, I am in total commiseration and empathy.
Peace,
mia