Archive for April 6th, 2010

Are you still in the same place you were last year? Are the issues you wrestle with today the same ones that you were wrestling with last year? If you can identify at least one area of your life, no matter how small, that was a problem at this time last year but is not today, congratulations – that is growth!

Someone shared an interesting quote with me that I have modified to match my own beliefs – You know that you have grown when what you are wrestling with today is different from what you were wrestling with a year ago. Life is all about growth and change, and it is always going to be hard. However, when you can honestly say that what you are wrestling with today has changed in any way, that is an indicator that you are making progress, which is great! (Side note – If your answer is no, that does not mean that no healing is taking place. Our deepest wounds often heal from the bottom, so it can be difficult to see the progress until a lot of healing has taken place.)

After hearing (and modifying) this quote, I did an analysis of what has changed in my struggles since last year. (Keeping a blog makes this even easier!) There are many areas that are still a struggle, such as what to do about my mother/abuser. However, I have grown in many areas as well.

One area of which I am particularly pleased is my progress in taking care of my body and finding ways other than binge eating to get through the day. It was in May 2009 that I found the courage to step on a scale and stop “hiding” from the truths about my weight. (See my blog entry entitled Me, My D@#$ Eating Disorder, and Physicals.) I currently weight six pounds less than I did when I wrote that blog entry. My weight has fluctuated quite a bit, with my weight being another six pounds lighter at one time, but the bottom line is that I am six pounds lighter than I was 11 months ago, and my weight has never gone above the number on the scale when I wrote that blog entry. That is huge progress for anyone with a lifelong history of binge eating.

I have my annual physical scheduled for May 20. I have decided to try to focus on my body for the next 6-1/2 weeks and see if I can get my weight down to a goal range (not a particular number but within a range of numbers). I do not typically do this, but I have built a spreadsheet in Excel to track my daily progress – goal weight each day (shooting for losing 2 pounds a week) as well as the amount of time each day I spend doing aerobic exercise, weights, and yoga. I used to lift weights (light weight-lifting, I assure you) back in graduate school and before my son came along. Goal-setting 101 says that a goal without a schedule and a deadline is just a wish, so this is why I decided to get serious with a spreadsheet.

I am not thinking past May 20. Right now, I just want to focus on transforming my body into a healthier one, which is also a “safer” body – better able to run or fight back. I will keep you posted on my progress.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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