Archive for April 8th, 2010

+++ religious triggers +++

I am a big fan of Beth Moore, who is a well-known leader of Bible studies for women. In my last study, The Patriarchs, Beth Moore talked about strongholds in our lives and God’s desire to free us from them.

One of my biggest strongholds is my battle with the eating disorder of binge eating/compulsive overeating. This stronghold has plagued me since I was a “tween.” As I shared the other day, I feel ready to conquer this for good, and I have set a goal to transform my body into a healthier one. I have set a schedule with a deadline, giving myself 6-1/2 weeks to make this transformation. (Of course, I would like this to be a forever thing, but I cannot wrap my mind around “forever,” so I am only staying focused on the next six weeks.)

Sure enough, on Day 2 of my transformation time, things blew up in my life. Nothing sets me off faster than something going wrong with my kid, and his new ADHD medication is not working, which affected his ability to learn at his new, very expensive school. I spent an hour in frustrated tears, and this triggered the despair of my childhood – that nothing is ever going to change.

I am now into Day 4 of my transformation, and I am happy to report that I did not binge eat!!!!!! The stage was set for failure – I had to bake brownies and my favorite bean dip for Bible study this morning, and I could have easily binged on either of them, but I truly was not even tempted. When I was upset, I cried and called a friend. I took Xanax to pull me out of the panic attack, and I drink a little wine last night to try to calm the anxiety. At no point did to return to my former stronghold.

That got me thinking about something that Beth Moore said in her study: She said that, when God has freed you from a stronghold, he will allow you to be “triggered” (my choice of wording here) to test whether you really are freed from the stronghold. The reason for this is that, until you are tested, you will always be vulnerable to returning to that stronghold.

I was a bit annoyed that God/life only gave me until Day 2 to test me out. Seriously, couldn’t it wait a week!?!! However, I passed the test!! Now, I am not saying that I won’t be blogging later about struggling and failing, but these past few days have given me hope. The stage was set fully for my failure, but I didn’t return to the stronghold. I used new tools – exercise, expressing my emotions, calling a friend, Xanax, and wine – to get through it. I didn’t return. Hooray!

Photo credit: Amazon.com

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