Archive for April 19th, 2010

Well, I survived my weekend trip to my hometown (where the abuse happened). This trip really drove home how much I have healed over the last two years. I had such as difficult time of it two years ago that I blogged about it for several days and did not return for two years. You can read those blog entries here (scroll to the bottom of the page).

The purpose of this trip was to see my grandmother (father’s mother) one last time. She is very old and in ill health. For all I know, she will linger for years, but I hope not … and I mean that in a loving way. She is so miserable and seems to be sitting around waiting to die but also too scared to let go. That sure seems like a worse hell than the fire and brimstone version.

Back to me … I did surprisingly well. Two years ago, the trip was basically a month-long process – two weeks of freaking out beforehand and then two weeks of recovery afterward. I also slept very little and stayed shaky during the trip. I won’t say that it was perfect this time, but I was much less stressed this time. I was able to enjoy parts of the trip, such as an hour enjoying the sunshine while my son and nephews played at a local park where I played as a child. I was even able to see some of the beauty of my hometown with the gorgeous weather.

I am now less reluctant to return for another visit if my grandmother lingers. However, I also don’t feel obligated to return, either. I feel like I have finally made peace with this part of my life and myself.

On another note, my blogging might be spotty over the next two weeks. My kid has a four-day weekend (off Friday and Monday), which always blows up my work schedule since I lose a full day of work for the next two weeks. Yikes! I will blog as I can.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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