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Archive for May 18th, 2010

*******trigger warning – ritual, sexual, and emotional abuse*******

From here forward, it is difficult for me to tell the story in a linear fashion. After the ritual abuse started, I split into complex dissociative identity disorder (DID), and I did not recover the memories in a linear fashion. I will do the best I can to tell my stories in the order they happened.

S made it painfully clear that telling anyone about the abuse was not an option. However, I knew that my father had stopped my mother’s abuse, so I had hope that perhaps he could stop S. S’s biggest threat was harming my sister, so I made my move when my sister was not present. I don’t remember where she was – perhaps spending the night at a friend’s house. Regardless, my parents planned to bring just me over to S & L’s house.

I begged not to go. I said that I did not have fun there and that I really did not want to go. Both of my parents shrugged it off, touting how I got to swim in S & L’s swimming pool and play Connect Four in their basement. (That game still triggers me.) They disregarded my pleas and made me come with them.

When we go there, my parents laughingly told S & L about my reluctance to come, acting like it was such a joke that I wouldn’t want to be there. S did not take this well. She told my parents that she was setting me up to watch a movie in the basement. Instead, she made me take off my clothes, and she tied me spread eagle and naked to a bed in the downstairs guest room.

Then she taunted me as she took photographs of me in that degrading position. She mocked me: “So, you want to tell your father? He already knows! Who do you think these pictures are for?” It is a blur what else she did except that she left me tied naked to the bed for two hours. She told my parents that I feel asleep watching the movie, and it didn’t occur to them to come down to the basement to check on me.

I had recently gotten into making latch hook rugs, and I was very proud of one I had almost finished of an owl. Although I loved it, I knew I had to give it to S as a “peace offering” of sorts. I had put countless hours into this project, and my parents told me that I did not have to give it to her, but I knew that I had to. I had no choice. It was the overwhelming compulsion inside, probably to show submission so she wouldn’t hurt my sister, who came along for the next visit. I never saw the owl rug again. The b@#$% probably just threw it away.

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Photo credit: Amazon.com

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