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Archive for June 15th, 2010

*******trigger warning – sexual abuse*******

I had a couple of traumatizing incidents in college that I have since recovered through flashbacks. I suspect there is another one from high school because I am aware of the lost time, but I guess I am not ready to deal with that one yet. A girl from high school feels very bonded to me (even up to the last high school reunion), and I have no memory of her.

The first story involved a party. I have always remembered that I was going to go on a double-date to a party and then to a picnic. I was friends with one of the guys (S). He was going with a woman (B) on my hall in the dorm, and I was going with one of his acquaintances. We decided go to a party together as a foursome and then to a big picnic the following week.

Here is what I have always remembered – We went to the party. I had no memory of the party. We returned. I said, “I guess I will see you at the picnic” to S, and B was giving me a dirty look. My date was not there. S said, “I don’t think that would be a good idea.” I didn’t know what he meant, but I agreed. S stopped dating B after that. B hated me after that night and even got the entire hall to pick sides – her or me. B would leave mean messages on my door. I even tried asking her what I had done to offend her, and she said I knew d@$# well what I had done. I was completely baffled.

Through a flashback, I filled in the blanks. Short version – someone at the party either knew me or knew how to trigger me. I switched and was the compliant victim again. He took me to a back room, and I performed oral sex on almost every guy at that party. S found out what was going on, told all the guys that they were @$$holes, and removed me from the party immediately. He was always very nice to me up until I transferred to another school after my freshman year.

Story #2 happened at a different school. I have always remembered that my boyfriend R dumped me for refusing to have sex with him. (I, as Faye, believed I was a virgin.) He wanted to get back together, but I didn’t. I remember going to his dorm room to talk, leaving and feeling pain, and being surprised that my period was early. However, the blood went away after one day and then my period came two weeks later. I was confused, and I was fearful of being alone with R after that.

I started dating someone else I wasn’t into (a pattern) as protection from R. R spread rumors that I was pregnant with his baby but trying to pass it off as my new boyfriend’s baby. I was baffled because we had never slept together. Through a flashback, I have recovered the memory of R raping me in his dorm room that day.

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Photo credit: Hekatekris

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