I had decided to find a therapist, but I had absolutely no idea how to go about finding one. I certainly was not just going to pick a name out of the yellow pages. I confided in a woman at church that I was experiencing flashbacks of sexual abuse, and she asked our pastor (confidentially) for a referral. This therapist (T) worked at a mainstream religious-based counseling center, so I had my doubts about his competence.
I decided to call T and do a phone interview. If he did not believe me over the phone about the existence of mother-daughter sexual abuse, then I would not waste my time meeting him face-to-face. He surprised me by saying that he had previously counseled a patient who had experienced this. He also told me that, while he might have an office at this religious-based counseling center, he was a licensed psychologist with 20+ years of experience in the “secular” world. He was a psychologist first and foremost.
That first session was the most difficult one to attend. Would he believe me? How would I even start? Would he believe that I had no memory whatsoever of the abuse only four weeks before? How would I pay for him without hub noticing? How could I tell hub? I thought about canceling the appointment, but I forced myself to go.
We started by discussing his credentials and then talked about my goals in therapy. I just wanted not to feel crazy any longer. He explained about how therapy works – that I needed to talk about what was upsetting me until I no longer needed to talk about it any longer.
I had a hard time talking about myself. My entire life had always revolved around doing things for other people. I truly did not know how to sit and talk about myself to someone for an hour. I also did not know how to receive someone actually paying attention and “hearing” me.
However, once I started talking, words tumbled out so rapidly that I don’t know how T even kept up. I never saw him take notes, and I am unaware of him recording the sessions. However, he always remembered every detail. He listened, and that was a completely new experience for me.
If you are resisting therapy, don’t. You need to do your homework to find a qualified therapist, and look for one with real qualifications, such as a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist. If you are seeking therapy for healing from child abuse, your needs run much deeper than what a well-meaning religious counselor or pastor is capable of offering. You don’t need to hear that an alter part is a “demon” or that you need to “pray away” your symptoms. While faith can be an important part of healing (and it certainly was for me), you need to work with someone with training and education on post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Photo credit: Hekatekris
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I have a question regarding flashbacks. I do not suffer them, i am supporting someone who does. Its there a sequence or pattern they occur in. So for example the terrifying ones are most apparent, followed by more degradation based ones or something like that, or do they have no order or pattern aside from maybe external triggers?
Hi, Demelza.
Flashbacks are different for different people. You might want to read “Allies in Healing” by Laura Davis. That book explains flashbacks and other trauma aftereffects in a way that loved ones can understand them. :0)
~ Faith
Hi Faith,
my first thought was you were lucky to have found a good t. then i thought, lucky? s%* you weren’t lucky… ever. Overdue for a break, for some much needed, deserved love is more like it. I dont know why I feel angry right now but I do. Maybe because you had to wait for so long for someone to ‘see’ you.
I know my t sees me. Which is both comforting (that’s the best word I can come up with right now… its more than that, I feel consumed by a feeling of safety and … ?? – its almost overwhelming, sometimes parayzing) and frightening. Not sure why so frightening, someone else seeing it is scary.
Only the best wishes for you Faith,
Palucci
I disagree in part with what you write about seeking help. It may just be a regional think I am in New England.
Here I would advise against seeing a psychiatrist first. Here all a psychiatrist does is medicate. There is an evaluation not about treatment rather what meds you should have. Of course there may be exceptions that I am not aware of. Once you get a dx it pretty much stays with you unless you do something about it.
There are Psychologists here. Typically they do testing although some are practicing clinicians now.
The ones that seem to be doing the best work here are Licensed Mental Health Counselors or Social Workers. The label of Social Workers is unfortunate. It requires a masters degree.
If I had to find a new therapist now I would look for a specialist in psychotherapy and expressive therapy with experience in pre-verbal trauma. On my first visit if I did not see toys I would be outa there.
For me the expressive therapy was necessary. I actually attempted it with therapists that did not understand it.
I am with you totally on doing your homework.
A word of caution on counselors. In some states there are licensed professional and yet there is not a requirement that you carry a license. I can take my computer and print some cards and I am a counselor. That is a pretty scary thought. I can all so start my own bank.
Hi Michael,
I believe a law recently went into effect that requires all “counselors” and “therapists” to be licensed in the State they are practicing in. The exemption is church counselors I believe. Just thought I’d pass that info on, it’s fairly new from what I’ve been told and those who are not licensed must begin the licensure process.
barbi
Agreed re: Michael’s comment advising against psychiatrists. Psychiatrists are MDs specializing in evaluating for and medicating mental “disorders” they do *not* have to have any experience/additional training in psychotherapy to be qualified psychiatrists.
Each state has different laws regarding licensure for counselors/therapists. It gets especially confusing in states where one can be a “healer”, or “counselor” without having any training at all. When searching for a qualified therapist – Generally a psychologist (PsyD, PhD with explicit clinical training) and LPC, LMFT, LCSW, (sometimes called ‘psychotherapists’ a term that can not be used by folks without training) will be trained as clinicians. An extra step is to assure that the therapist you seek has specialized training in sexual trauma/ childhood sexual abuse/ ritual abuse, etc. All of this information should be available on the therapist’s website and informed consent. Failing that, ethically and legally they have to answer honestly when you ask them what their training and speciality areas are.
Finding a therapist can be confusing/frustrating/ scary and a good fit is imperative! Don’t forget that you are hiring the therapist for a job; you have the right to ask any questions you want and if you don’t feel a connection you don’t have to stay with him/her.
Good luck to everyone searching…
This is very helpful to me.I am looking for a therapist.Thanks
Since everyone else is putting in their view about who to see first…
There are major differences depending on where you live. Maybe everyone could be a bit more specific about their region so anyone else reading the blog doesn’t get confused.
I’m from Canada and here, psychiatrists used to do medication and therapy. Now they only do medication. Sometimes my appointments run long and the discussion is LIKE therapy, but it isn’t a replacement for actual therapy.
Here, most people have therapy with Social Workers. You can see a psychologist but they are becoming obsolete. Usually they work alongside other mental health practitioners (like psychiatrists).
Social Workers usually (not always) will work in a joint setting with other social workers. For example, I go to a little house with several different social workers working there. Some do private practice, but this is how a lot of places are.
If you’re looking for something specific, like the blog post, you need to ask for it. Generally, the secretary will know who to put you with, if they are competent. The centre or actual social worker will be able to tell you if they can meet your needs.
I just wanted to add – don’t be afraid to ask questions as was posted above. You’ll know if you have a connection or comfortability with the therapist when you first meet them.
Ugh, and another point. Social Workers have to be registered with a governing body in order to work under the name of a Registered Social Worker. Social Workers have to have a minimum of a Masters degree as well.
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Faith,
I was abused by both parents and others starting when i was 5 is the earliest i know at present. I found your site via deannandme telling me about this blog. i started reading at 2 this morning and havent been able to stop, not because i find it “interesting, i can “feel” some of your pain. I wanted to tell you i have recently been removed from the world because of a total body shut down, removed from my church, because “I needed to quit letting Satan have control of my thoughts, think on good things” yeah right, i have DID<PTSD, i started going to a therapist i went to about 5 yrs ago when i married and started having flashbacks, we fixed the problem with EMDR, and that ended the sessions. well, obv they shouldn't of stopped. i am going now since nov 2 when my med dr wanted to admit me to a hosp. if i didn't because i had severe depression. I wanted to die, sleep and never wake. since going, my alters have become being more individual. like i noticed you mentioning here. this scares me but i see you didn't quit.
i plan on keep reading to get "caught" up on your story.
thank you