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Archive for August 18th, 2010

This week, I am focusing upon reprogramming your thoughts/mind to help you break free from the “programming” you experienced as an abused child. I am adapting Beth Moore’s method from her study entitled Breaking Free so that those of you who are triggered by religion can also benefit.

Yesterday, I shared that the first step is to recognize that you have been buying into lies. The next step is to challenge the lies. My therapist was very good at this. I would say that I couldn’t trust anyone. He would counter back with, “You trust your husband to provide for you,” which is true. Whenever I would make a self-defeating statement, which was something I truly believed, my therapist would challenge that statement and show me that it was not true.

We did this a lot over as Isurvive (a message board for child abuse survivors) as well. I remember having an interesting discussion about being unable to trust anyone. The irony was that we trusted one another to have the discussion in the first place, but none of us saw that at the time. However, we challenged one another to think about ways in which we did trust people.

I had to admit that I trusted the waitress to bring me my food after I ordered it. I trusted other drivers to stop at a red light when I was driving through a green one. I trusted my boss to give me a paycheck on pay day.

Once I recognized that I did trust some people in some situations, I had to admit that my belief that I could not trust anyone was a lie. Then, my therapist took it a step further. It was easier to admit that I could trust a stranger to do a job, but I didn’t believe that I trusted anyone who was closer to home. My therapist challenged this as well. I trusted my husband to provide for me financially. I trusted my friend to meet me at a particular time if she said she would. I trusted my sister to be honest with me about her memories of our childhood abuse.

The truth was that I did trust every person I cared about with something. I might not trust any one person with all of me, but I did trust different people in my life to meet different needs of mine.

Then my therapist told me something I had never considered – I do not have to trust one person with all of me in order to get my needs met. I could trust my husband for financial security, my friends for emotional support, and my sister for childhood validation. As long as my needs were getting met, I did not have to worry about overcoming a hurdle of trusting anyone with all of me.

By the time my therapist was finished with me, I recognized that I had been buying into and fueling lies about myself. It was not true that I could not trust. The truth was that I already did trust many people with parts of myself. I was the one making myself miserable by believing that I did not.

Photo credit: Hekatekris

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