This has been four nights in a row with the same recurring nightmare, and I am wiped out. After jolting awake multiple times the first night, I got drunk the second night, but that did not help. For nights three and four, I took the highest dosage of Xanax that my doctor prescribed me. That has not stopped the nightmares, but it has at least lessened my body’s reactions to the release of cortisol and adrenaline.
The background is different, but the plot is always the same – I cannot protect my inner child. Last night, I watched helplessly as my inner child (always represented by a younger version of my son – he is around five years old) climbed onto a platform over a coliseum. A child before him had already fallen off and plunged to the ground, and people were checking to see if he had survived the fall. My inner child tried to hit a ball with a bat from the platform and then purposely jumped to my horror. I ran to the ground and had a few terrifying moments of not knowing whether he was alive or dead, but he was okay.
In another dream, I was in school and walking to class. I passed by my inner child’s class, and he was learning how to work a fry cook station (like they use in McDonald’s) with no adult supervision. I ran to stop him, but he walked into the hot grease with a big grin on his face the whole time as I could smell the flesh of his burning feet. I pulled him out and screamed at the people watching, but everyone said that they were not responsible for him. Surprisingly, he seemed to be okay with no damage from the grease.
I can’t remember the other dreams right now (still shaking from the coliseum one), but they are all this type of theme – I cannot protect the child.
Also last night I dreamed about my son (inner child) being asked to go into a room repeatedly that had no gravity, which we both found to be fun, but I wonder if that is symbolic of not being grounded??
I know that recurring dreams are significant, and I wish I could decode this series, deal with it, and get some rest. I am making a point to get nine hours of sleep a night because I slept so poorly the first two, but I am physically exhausted because my sleep is anything but restful.
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt