In my last blog entry, I wrote about my history with learning how to stay present. This is a skill that I have been good at in the past. Then, I will get very triggered, which derails me, and then I “forget” the skills that I have learned. Through Geneen Roth’s book Women Food and God, I am recognizing that learning how to stay present is truly the key to all of my issues – not just in healing from child abuse but in healing all of the aftereffects of child abuse.
I will do my best to explain her reasoning. All of these pearls of wisdom are courtesy of Geneen Roth…
Roth says that our histories are like blinders that prevent us from seeing the beauty of our lives. The metaphor she uses is sitting in front of Niagara Falls wearing blinders & ear plugs and believing that there is no beauty in our lives. The fact that we cannot see or hear Niagara Falls doesn’t mean that it does not exist – it means that we are not truly living our lives because we trudge through each day blind to the beauty that is ours if we will simply remove the blinders.
To apply what she is saying to child abuse survivors, the blinders are the lies that your abusers told you and that you believed –worthlessness, shame, guilt, etc. The beauty of life is right in front of you, but you cannot see it because you have been “blinded” by all of the lies from being abused. The good news is that we have the power to remove the blinders. According to Roth, we do this by staying present.
I am going to use my own metaphor to explain this next part, but I am explaining Roth’s theory … Think of your mind as being a computer that compiles cause and effect. It records all of the childhood abuse and then makes predictions about future outcomes based upon past result. This is what a trigger is.
To use an example I read in another book, a girl was late for dinner on Christmas Eve, so Santa did not bring her any presents. As an adult, she gets triggered by being late, appearing to completely overreact to being just a little late as an adult when she is really reacting to what happened when she was a girl. The problem is that her mind is telling her that being late as a child resulted in a huge punishment, so being late in adulthood (the same cause) is going to result in another huge punishment (same effect).
The problem is that our minds are “stuck” in childhood, but our bodies have moved on from that place. In adulthood, we no longer have abusers who are going to inflict severe “punishments” for our perceived “causes,” but nobody has told our minds this. Our minds continue to try to guide the abused little boy or girl, but we are no longer abused children – we are adults who are being led in the wrong direction by our minds.
Roth says that the way to counter this is to live in the present. More on that tomorrow…
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt