The past 2-1/2 weeks have been pretty tough, so this is just a venting blog entry. First, I had a cold, so I spent a lot of time in bed (plenty of fluids and plenty of rest). I was okay for one day (Saturday) and then came down with a second cold. Again, back to bed … plenty of fluids and plenty of rest. Unfortunately, as an adjunct online college instructor, my job responsibilities don’t just “go away” when I am sick, so I had to push through and continue working while being sick.
As soon as I recovered, it was Thanksgiving, which I cooked. I spent my first day of not feeling sick cleaning the house for company and then the second day cooking a Thanksgiving feast. Hub’s family came over, ate, and ran (they were literally here for 95 minutes – 30 to help with last minute cooking, 45 to eat, and 20 to collect leftovers), which upset my nine-year-old son. I told my son that we will have a rule next year … if you want to eat the food, you have to stick around and play a game of Monopoly afterward.
We had planned to go as a family (hub, child and me) to the zoo on Friday, but the weather did not cooperate. So, we went to a less fun indoor place, where my son caught a nasty virus. He started ailing on Saturday night, looking lethargic and pale. He awoke on Sunday with a fever that stayed over 102 for most of the next four days. This is a kid that I have to pull off walls (he has ADHD), so seeing him pale and listless was scary. I took him to the doctor’s office twice, where they ruled out flu, strep, mono, and anything with a rash (measles, etc.). The doctor thinks it was a nasty virus going around that mimics the flu without the cough – just ~ five days of a high fever.
The fever finally broke on Thursday morning, so I was homebound with an ADHD child who was bored out of his mind and wanted to get out of the house. Meanwhile, I am an extrovert who has had no “girlfriend time” in weeks and someone who also needs some alone time and has had no alone time while healthy in over two weeks. I didn’t get around to writing a blog entry yesterday because I was about to lose my mind!
I also have not been sleeping very well because I have had a feverish kid in my bed. Two nights ago, I had such a disturbing ritual abuse dream that it took me hours to shake it. I also suffer from seasonal depression, and I have not been able to use any of my tools because of my life circumstances over the past few weeks, so I have been feeling the tide of depression trying to pull me down.
And, finally, we are having issues with health insurance coverage and have had to pay over $1,000 out of pocket for both November and December for medical expenses, including four prescriptions for my son’s asthma and ADHD – two medical issues that simply cannot go untreated. I am trying to get a part-time job with a company that offers health insurance for part-time workers. That interview is tomorrow. I have to put together a five-minute “audition” of how I would teach a class, and I have not had one spare minute to practice. Fortunately, my son is going to school today (I need to take him in a few minutes), so guess what I will be doing today?
I know this is not a blog entry on healing from child abuse, but I just had to get that off my chest. It’s been a very long few weeks, and I am worn out.
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
“I know this is not a blog entry on healing from child abuse”
Ya it is. Least I think it is.
I do not think that it is really fathomable how hard it is to do the work of therapy and do the work of life now. We call the work of life now as stuff.
For me it is hard as if we take time off from the work of healing than there is tons of stuff to be done and if we take time off from stuff than the work of therapy starts.
Then if some thing comes up in real life which pushes us over the edge we can only remember what pushed us over the edge and that is not really important it was just the last thing we are dealing with.
Sometimes it scares me to think of how much I will be able to without the work of therapy or PTSD.
so agree with you!
((Sending you healing hugs. ))
thank you for sharing your struggles with us Faith….we of course all have them. I noticed that even though you weren’t able to use your tools, you were aware that you weren’t using them and THAT is a huge thing. Most of the time I have no awareness that I’m not using my tools or that I even need to use them.
So congrats Faith….you are functioning well even in your unwell times 🙂
Take care, and hugs to you
barbi
I hope everything turns around for you very soon!
I hear ya. And yes, it is a healing entry. These type of entries draw us closer to the very human being behind them. That is part of what draws me back to this blog- a real person that I can relate to. It’s kinda like that “girl-friend” time for me, at times when I don’t have it either, and since I have been going through this, I don’t have hardly anyone I feel safe to talk to.
Anyway, this is a great entry, because it gives us a behind the scene look at your everyday struggles. That little one is blessed to have such a caring mama. I will be praying for you.
I think it’s a totally relevant post. It’s about your life and about how your circumstances affect your mental health. It’s also your blog so you can say what you want. 🙂
I felt exhausted just reading this post so I can only imagine how it must be for you! I hope your interview goes well. And, I’m glad you posted this. I’m really and truly, sorry about the dream you had. 😦
I hope all of you are feeling much better in all ways soon.
We caught a nasty virus here also earlier this month… It was nasty, but only 24hr.
I’ve heard people don’t get enough vitamin D in winter because the sun light is different and also people spend a lot more time indoors… you may benefit from taking D, if you don’t. (I think it’s supposed to boost immune system..?)
Anyway, I hope you get a day or at least some hours to yourself soon.
Peace,
pf
PS When I first glanced at the Title of this post I thought it said “Snuggling”! Funny! :-p
Part of healing is being present to deal with the day-to-day stuff called Life. Can sympathize with how you feel. I have had pneumonia for the past 3 weeks. I had to cancel the family weekend celebration at my house for Thanksgiving because I was too sick to clean or cook for company. It is okay to have rules for how a meal is going to be eaten and enjoyed. It was rude of them to come eat and then leave like you were a restaurant or something. Good for your son for complaining.
Keep the Faith, you can get through it!
its been tough weeks for me as well so in a way its comforting to know that Im not the only one:) and you talking about having tough times yourself makes it easier for me to accept my tough times. I just wish I had the next six months off to take care of myself only and not care about life or any of that stuff;)
Wishing us all some to time to rest and replenish!
[…] Struggling (faithallen.wordpress.com) […]