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Archive for June 3rd, 2011

I have shared before that I believe in reincarnation. Whether anyone else believes in reincarnation or not, embracing the concept of reincarnation has been incredibly healing for me, especially when it comes to justice and karma. Some of you might think I am “out there” with this blog topic, but bear with (or skip today’s blog – I’ll get back to more concrete healing topics next week).

This week’s discussions about ritual abuse got me thinking about a topic I have pondered quite a bit but have yet to blog about. As other readers have stated, I also believe that ritual abusers are organized and sophisticated in their methods of torturing children in ways that have been passed down through the generations. In addition, I also believe that there is a (dark) spiritual element that tailors the ritual abuse to the experiences of the child, not just in this lifetime but in previous lifetimes as well.

I truly believe that I was once Russian – long before communism came along. I have always been particularly drawn to Russian history when the Tsars were in power. I love just about everything Russian, from Russian blue cats (even though I am allergic to cats), to Russian names (like Natasha and Tatiana), to Faberge eggs, to the story of Anastasia. I love Russian novels, such as Anna Karenina, War and Peace, and Crime and Punishment. When I see pictures of Moscow, I feel a deep peace inside. Keep in mind that I grew up in the United States in the 1970’s during the Cold War, so this love I feel for “Mother Russia” does not come from any experiences in this lifetime.

There is only one thing Russian that does not bring me joy or peace, and that is Russian nesting dolls. As I have shared before, my ritual abusers instilled my phobia of Russian nesting dolls. I wonder why, of all of the objects on the planet, they chose Russian nesting dolls. This phobia is so uncommon that there isn’t even a name for it. In fact, if you do a Google search for Russian nesting dolls phobia, you will only find related articles that I have written on the subject.

Is this a coincidence? Perhaps, but I think it also lends credence to my theory that there is a dark spiritual element to ritual abuse. Anyone who had a way to know how to hurt my spirit would have zeroed in on attacking this joy that I carried into my current life from a previous one.

Here’s another reason I believe this. I have always hated a particular two-digit number because that was my “number assignment” in the cult. I was never referred to as Faye – I was called #__. One day, I awakened to the reality that the very same number is a special number for me. Several close friends happen to have this number in their addresses. Coincidence? Perhaps, but what if it’s not?

I used to feel triggered when I saw the two digits on the clock. Now, I view this number as a blessing. Whenever I see that number in someone’s address, phone number, or used in another way, I pay attention. I think this number has some sort of spiritual significance for me that my ritual abusers tried to take away from me.

OK – Some of you are probably thinking that I am off my rocker, and that’s fine. I just wanted to throw the theory out there and see if anyone else – anyone at all – could relate to this.

Photo credit: Hekatekris

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