Archive for August 3rd, 2011

My sister sometimes reads my blog. She popped in this week and saw my reference to a family member and a friend blindsiding me, and she contacted me fearing that she was the culprit. I assured her that both the family member and friend in question are well aware of how their actions affected me.

I filled her in on all of the details, and she had an interesting theory that I had not considered. I am writing this blog entry before my therapy session, and I plan to talk this over with my therapist. I told my sister that I feel like my “superpower” of being able to read people has stopped working, and now I keep getting blindsided and feeling unsafe. My sister’s theory is that my “superpower” has not stopped working – I have, instead, chosen to stop using it.

She thinks that I have grown healthy enough that I have stopped “being so paranoid” and scrutinizing every facial expression, etc., looking for danger. She thinks that I “missed” the signals because I have grown healthy enough to stop assuming that danger is lurking. She sees this as a very positive thing. In light of the alternatives that I have been considering (I am going insane, etc.), I definitely prefer her theory to mine!

My sister also pointed out that this blindsiding is only happening in my pre-therapy relationships – all relationships with some level of dysfunction in them. She thinks that I am “outgrowing” these relationships and that I need to make changes or move on so I can continue to heal and grow.

I am not going to think through the implications of all of this until I see my therapist. I have a feeling that some of that change is happening regardless due to the specifics of the situations involved, so I probably will be spared having to make some hard decisions.

Regardless, letting go of relationships (if that is where this leads me) is very hard for me because I am a deeply loyal friend. All of the dysfunctional relationships in my life are with people who were loyal to me when I needed them the most. My sister pointed out that she, too, values loyalty but not at her own expense. We’ll see what my therapist has to say about all of this…

Photo credit: Hekatekris

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