For those of you who aren’t sports fans, you might not have heard about the child sexual abuse scandal that is rocking Penn State. You can read the complete details here.
In a nutshell, Jerry Sandusky was a football legend as a coach at Penn State. He has been charged with 40 counts of sexually abusing boys. Here’s the really sick part – He had access to these boys because he established a foundation called Second Mile to reach out to needy children.
I was stricken by the testimony of janitor James “Jim” Calhoun, who walked in on Jerry Sandusky alleged performing a sexual act on a boy in the shower:
“Jim said he ‘fought in the Korean war … seen people with their guts blown out, arms dismembered … I just witnessed something in there I’ll never forget,’ ” the testimony states.
In the early stages of healing from child abuse, I had a difficult time seeing my child abuse as a big deal. I could complete understand how seeing “people with their guts blown out, arms dismembered” would be traumatizing, but I couldn’t view my child abuse in the same way. I was truly shocked when my therapist told me that I had a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). PTSD was a diagnosis for soldiers who had experienced trauma, not for children who endured abuse that “wasn’t that bad” because “others had it worse.”
I wasn’t able to view my PTSD as “serious” until reading Judith Herman’s book, Trauma and Recovery. What was groundbreaking for me was her approach – The same PTSD that I experienced from child abuse is the same PTSD that soldiers experience after combat. It’s a disorder – a real disorder that explained many of my symptoms.
For some reason, I could understand PTSD better by applying it to a soldier than to myself. There was no question in my mind that someone who had “seen people with their guts blown out, arms dismembered” would understandably develop PTSD. I was able to view my disorder without a layer of shame.
I find it validating that this war veteran was that traumatized by seeing a child being abused and that he puts the trauma of child abuse on the same level as what he saw in Korea. Child abuse really is a “big deal,” even though we child abuse survivors often have a difficult time believing it.
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Blooming Lotus 
Thank you~~I really appreciated this post. I’ve been struggling with this Penn State situation since I heard about it earlier this afternoon on the news. Every time I hear a story of the sexual abuse of a child, I hurt; for them, for me. Good for you for speaking out about a subject that many treat as taboo. If more of us speak out, and “tell,” it may give hope to those who feel they still cannot tell.
Know what you mean.
I find it hard to not be disgusted with myself sometimes, that i’m still not ‘over’ all the things that happened.
thank you, this is so true but also so hard to accept, the guilt and shame make it so its harder to compare the two.
Alice x
I do think child abuse is every bit as debilitating emotionally as war and combat. We survived autrocities done to us and lived to remember them, re-live them and attempt to find a way to process andtry to live with the memories, flashbacks and nitemares. We live with Shame, unrelenting guilt and self blame (though it was not ever our fault), Indescribable horror. Incomprehensible pain, memories and terror. Dont you think that . . “all this” for a child. . Is “possibly” even more traumtizing than war. . At least comparative in its horror. I dont know – i was never a soldier. But i do know that we inone can judge our own experiences of abuse against anyone elses as being worse or better. For each victim. .It was horror. . No measurable way of defining the degree for any one victim.
I believe it is more debilitating that the trauma from war. Soldiers are adults who are choosing to enter the battle. The have adult brains that can process what children’s brains cannot. And, to me this is the important part, they are fighting the enemy…it is not their loved ones assaulting them.
Why did the students at this higher institution riot when it was discovered their school accepts pedophilia and yet did when the fired the head coach who “Wished he did more.” and gave a speech about the pedophiles with one listener stated it was a “Beat Minnesota Speech?”
I had a thought of driving to PA with a sign “why did you not riot for the children” Not any great motive other than I might into a fight if I did not get arrested first.
Although I can not know for sure I am confident that there would be no one on one fight. It would be a group. The likely outcome is that I would get a beating from either the campus police, the police or a crowd. Not unlikely it would be all three. Or I might kill someone.
For me experiencing seeing someone dismembered and killed is not the same as the sexual abuse I experienced. Seeing someone I loved killed and dismembered is not that same as seeing someone I did not know killed and dismembered. Seeing children killed was not the same as adults.
Reality is I do not know what it is like to experience sexual abuse without my other experiences and no one else does either.
I do not see traumatic experiences as worse than. It is not helpful other than to accept that some methods of healing are harmful for some experiences beyond they just do not happen to work.
I am not at all into football and I have been hearing all about this. I am glad you brought it up because I was wondering what effect it has been having on this community. I think of all the things I hear, such as from the lawyer on the PBS newshour last night who advocates for sexually abused children, and he made many of the points that I have heard here from the perspective of those who have been abused. He talked about the culture within which the crimes have been committed and how though people reported the suspected or directly observed abuse up and down the line, they should have reported it to the police, because the culture covered it up. Of course then I thought of some of you who were abused by police. However, I think that was still the best chance of getting the desired result. I feel hopeful that this will open up a whole new era in the realization of the devastating effects child sex abuse has on the victim, and that reporting will go up, if only at first because of the legal consequences of not acting, which hopefully will be serious when this ends.
And the fans outrage and riots over the coach being fired? This reflects poorly on football fans in general.
One other point I have is that the soldiers signed up for this, and the children suffering physical, emotional and sexual abuse did not. On the other hand, the soldiers themselves were, for the most part, awfully young when they signed up, and also allured by glitzy ads and other manipulative means of attraction that were devised by experienced advertisers.
I think in many ways being abused especially ritually abused is even worse than war because there is no-one on your side at all (until later in life perhaps if you are lucky). Sorry, gloomy I know but that is how i have felt for a long time. People who survive wars have solidarity groups, mourning groups, a shared history etc which we do not.
I’ll refrain from posting any comments here about soldiers deserving PTSD because they go into war allowing themselves if necessary to kill, which is inhuman…
And may I add, you are a child- not able to process and put into any frame of reference what is going on. And, in war, everyone knows that war is happening. But as said before, (either here or by the T) think if your child is playing outside and the wind kicks up and a huge tornado heads toward the house. The child runs in to his mother, terrified and the mother tells the child, “Oh, you just go on back outside. There is nothing wrong with the weather.”
That is how it is in child abuse. No one to validate something terrible has just happened. Every one acts as though nothing different is going on. And many times the perpetrator- as in the story above- is being held in high esteem by the general community. Those are just some of the differences – but I do not minimize what someone who went through war went through either. but to say one is worse than the other? Who cares anyhow. The point is there are some severe injuries in both case- both need validation and compassion- PLENTY of it!!!
“I’ll refrain from posting any comments here about soldiers deserving PTSD because they go into war allowing themselves if necessary to kill, which is inhumane”
how many child abuse victims feel the same way??? I was abused from the time i was an infant until i was in high school–i never stopped it, i didn’t leave, i didn’t tell anyone…did i deserve it?!?
and just for the record–child abuse is child abuse! one way isn’t wors than any other–including ‘ritual’ abuse!
iwannadie,
I agree with you that child abuse is child abuse and one persons experience is not worse than another person’s. I feel that each person’s experience is unique and the results are different. I feel that the differences are important in a way that is meaningful and important. That what one person needs to heal is substantially different than what another person needs to heal.
I feel stating that one person’s experiences are better or worse than another is dismissive so it stating that all experiences are the same,
I wrote in a earlier comment that the boys who were abused in the Penn State abuse have a better chance of healing, which I believe. This does not mean I have any idea what their experiences are like other than horrible. I can not know what it is like to be them it is different than my experiences. I do not know what they need to heal or if they can discover a way to heal I only feel the odds are better for them.
All that being said I can know what experiences were worse for me. I can know the effect of these experiences and the results. What I try and live is not applying what is true for me must be true for someone else.
All that being said. I do think that the age of onset of trauma has a profound effect on a persons body and this is important to the understanding of healing. Each persons experiences not matter what age they were experienced will effect the body in a different way. Not worse than different.
Journey on,
Michael
iwannadie (I hope you don’t…)
I was saying ‘especially ritual abuse’ here because of the greater level of denial societally of ritual abuse, that’s all, I’m not saying one child’s experience is worse than others as who am I to judge that.
Hi, all.
Just to clarify — It was never my intent to create a “hierarchy of pain” where we rate war veterans, ritual abuse survivors, sexual abuse survivors, physical abuse survivors, etc. on a scale of 1-10. I, personally, find it validating for a war veteran to put child abuse on the same level (versus minimizing it).
I don’t know what it is like to see someone’s arm get blown off, so I can only speculate as to the level of trauma. I know what it was like to be abused as a child, so I know the severity of trauma that I experienced. Since most of society respects that a war veteran’s PTSD is valid, I find it validating for someone who has experience war trauma to put child abuse on the same level. I don’t mean that it is higher, equal, or lower on a 1-10 scale but that war PTSD and child abuse PTSD are in the same ballpark.
– Faith
I thought about this all day and one thing that did come to mind is no one is saying war does not exist. They were not alone and they were not children.
i have changed my attitude about the Penn State Pedophile. Just as I stopped bashing the mental health professionals that hurt and started to champion those that can I am looking at this as much better than was possible even a few years ago. True it is only front page news as it is a University football team it would not have made the papers a few years ago.
I am very much more about those that made it possible for these people to be charged and that includes the the men, woman and children that have come forward.
In a way I have always wanted more awareness and I am getting it. It does not include ritual abuse at all and that makes it not as personal for me. It is better.
The boys that came forward have a much better chance of healing than I did and that is a good thing.,
“Child Abuse as Traumatizing as War” You have no idea what that statement means to me (but that is okay – it’s the associations). We were *raised* as a ‘child soldier’ (http://wp.me/p1ufr9-6q). This was something that was pointed out to me not so long ago. We were a Child Soldier, born to an “army warrior” in a culture which celebrated those things (war and violence – and peace sometimes as well.) I was born in a ‘war’ and during a war in a country which had just lost a war (Germany, WWII, 1959 – born ‘dying’ in a German hospital). I disappeared for 30 days.
Having Childhood PTSD – well, that’s a given given our pasts. And our childhood was like a war. I fought with guns (not real ones – BB – see http://wp.me/p1ufr9-28) at 8 years old. By 13 or 14 I was forced to fight with knives and swords. I fought my first dog (a big old German Sheppard) when I was 6 (I lost; he won, I had scratches all over me for a very long time. He was muzzled, which was good.) I had NOTHING but nightmares for 48 years. Most of them involved war. I never had a ‘good’ dream – never. The 2nd dream I never forgot having involved war and getting killed. (http://wp.me/p1ufr9-6b). I was 3. But for people to tie “PTSD” ONLY to war and vets (which I am; Marine Corps here) – is a mistake. PTSD can happen at any time. We know. We’ve been having it for years.
Add to our “childhood” PTSD diagnosis 17+ years with the Army, 6 in the Corps – and what we went through in PR – and we’ve got PTSD times 3 (which is good – I tend to recognize the thing when the symptoms come). And for a child – well, it IS a war he (or she) can’t win. Never ever. We had our brother “on our side” – but in a way he was our worst enemy (since we were often pitted and engaged in violent combat with him.) But there is no foxhole to hide in; nowhere to go. You have no weapons to fight with. It is not like a war. It is a hell in which you have no control over what is happening to you.
While in the military I made a choice. I also “chose” to join the Marine Corps. I went along with it when the Army came and gave me eight more years (working at the Fort as an independent contractor … shhh! shhh! Secret things.) But I never chose to be abused as a child. I never “choose” being beaten and used like some man’s condom to hold his pleasure and seed. I never chose to be betrayed and thrown away; to have my love for him held up for ridicule and amusement, like some tortured toy and bug.
But I have chosen to do my best to do my duty to *myself* sometime – putting away the embarrassment and shame – trying to deal with the PTSD symptoms (which aren’t too bad, actually, now that I’m growing older and don’t have as many dreams). I cannot yet force myself to remove the associations (such as “childhood=war”) – but I can tell you
I’ve felt those things for a long time.
Yes, being a child in an abusive situation – you know what it’s like, since you are comparing it to a war??
It’s like becoming a Prisoner to torture, a POW of some kind – except you have no rights. There is no Geneva convention to protect you. That’s what it’s like. Not a war. But a Prisoner IN a War. And the enemy has got you . . . and is slowly driving you mad.
I should know.
Been there, done that – had it happen to me.
et all Jeff & Friends (a bit Grim; the Soldier being in me is not a happy camper … rather grim about all of that.)
My first thought on reading this is actually that a lot of the same things happen in war as in child abuse. For a start, rape is incredibly common. One of the things that would scare me the most if the tanks started rolling into my country is the fact that once your area becomes a warzone your chances of not being raped go right down. No-one will notice, and with so many people being blown to bits, no-one will care.
But there’s also physical harm and the intent to destroy. If someone is traumatised by witnessing child abuse, that is further evidence that deep down we *know* what is going on when it happens. People who ask about SA “is it really wrong or does society just make you feel it was wrong” are lacking something mentally; most people know instinctively how destructive it is, even if they can’t articulate it, or are too young to articulate it. If you see someone being raped, you see someone being killed, even if long-term they are lucky enough not to end up dead (she says slightly simplistically, given the post a couple of months back re. wishing for death).
Thank you for this post. It makes me feel validated too. I’ve been in recovery for years now, and deep down, I’m still surprised to hear someone outside the survivor community say that abuse is wrong. What the hell has happened to me?
Peoples perceptions and judgements sometime take my breath away when I hear “non-abused” people speak about abuse. They find it shocking that someone that was an “ordinary guy or he was like your next door neighbor” could do something like this. Hello, they don’t wear name tags that identify themselves!! It is a secret for a reason!!
I also find amazing we each suffered some form of abuse for some just kissing or touching the other some of the most extreme. There is no difference in victims being taken advantage of by someone so selfish. But I think everyone suffers somehow in their own way. On the news I feel people just want the story, maybe imagine what if it happened to them and then the media makes it go away until the next unimaginable event takes place. But for victims, survivors and loved ones we can’t turn it off that easily. The way to help us is to create communities or blogs to support one another. Not focus on the bad events so much but to talk amongst ourselves for support.
Thank you all for sharing and being brave
April Nicole
http://www.whispersfrommyheart.weebly.com
http://www.mindsetforlife.wordpress.com
Faith – thank you so much for writing this! I am a mama of two kids who were abused before adoption. Many of my FB friends are in the same position. I have also been looking for quite some time for an article I could post that would speak to them as well as help to educate others about why we have to be so strict with boundaries with our kids and that YES, child abuse is a big deal!! May I post a link to this post on facebook?
Hi, Diana.
Absolutely! This blog is to help people heal. :0)
I don’t know if you are familiar with my other blog, but I am a co-owner of an adoption site. I write blog entries specific to parenting traumatized children on Tuesdays — “Trauma Tuesday.” Here is the link:
http://ouradopt.com/blog/faitha
I don’t have experience in parenting traumatized children (but I am the mother of a special needs adopted child, which has some overlap). My focus is to shed some light into the mindset of the abused child so the adoptive parents have a better understanding about what might be going on in the child’s head. You are welcome to share that blog as well if you think it will be helpful.
Also, if your children experienced ongoing sexual abuse before adoption, I recommend you check out this series:
http://ouradopt.com/category/incest-survivor%E2%80%99s-aftereffects-checklist
I cover each element of the Incest Survivor’s Aftereffects Checklist:
Click to access ChecklistJuly2004.pdf
Your children might be experiencing aftereffects that you didn’t even know to look for.
– Faith
I am 75 years old, I am not “over it”. No I didn’t have sexual abuse, but I had physical, emotional and psycological (?) abuse. Abandonded by my mother at 3, raised by a rageaholic etc etc. There is no degree of “bad”, it is all horrific. I still have difficulty with my mind wrapping around what humans are capable of doing to one another. It took me a lifetime to understand what was done says more about “them” and it does not make me what I am. Surviviing makes me what I am. Finding the good in myself and others makes me who I am. Our souls are changed, no doubt about it, but I am still a “Child of God” even at this age. IF I can list my positives, and we all have them, if I can count my blessings, and there are many, then THAT is who I am. Unfortunatly I allowed things done to my children, even though I was unaware, it happened, and years of guilt fixed nothing, so I gave up the guilt and concentrated on making my life worthwhile, THAT is the only way for others to see it can be done, it can make life good, and worthwhile. “By my deeds they shall know me”.
Service to others heals much, because no matter how bad your life was, there is always someone hurting just as bad, and someone who needs a kind word, a hug, or just to listen and hear their pain. Life can be what we make of it, and it is good and some not so good, but it is always worth doing. .
I will say this first; I am saddened to hear about the Penn state scandle. It is so hard to believe that a coach could do those things to those children for all those years while his superiors ignored it. I understand that the players now as well as some of the schoool community are taking the coaches side, but I can’t be anything but mad that something was not done sooner.
I guess as long as the team keeps winning and the money keeps flowing in then there is never a problem. It is such a sick thing if you really think about it.
This gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes. I had never thought of them on the same level quite like that before. It never seemed “as bad.” Like we’re whining when we talk about what happened to us…even though I have numerous alters inside who are horrifically mentally scarred…some who can barely talk, and then only to express how horrible and worthless they believe themselves to be, how they deserved all the terrible things our father put us through…
Yet we think it’s not as bad…
[…] then I came across a post by Faith Allen, called “Child Abuse as Traumatizing as War“. It immediately set off some issues for me. And then I realized: it’s because as a […]