My kid (N) is having an issue at school. You can read the details here.
Update – the third party (K) still does not want to be N’s friend even after his mother explained the situation. N’s best friend (P – different “P” from the child N had an issue with) is also friends with K. K put P in the position of “choosing” between K and N at school yesterday, and P chose K. (In fairness to P, he did play with N at afterschool care.) N came home from school very upset. P’s mom and I are good friends, and she will talk with P tonight about not blowing off one friend for another. As for K, I have told N that nobody can make K be his friend, not even K’s mom.
Yes, it’s fifth grade drama!
That being said, I am having a difficult time keeping my own triggers out of the situation. I am trying to handle everything like a rational adult, but I am having to deal privately with my own triggers.
Trigger #1 – K just spent the night at our house the weekend before the drama hit. The boys were supposedly great friends, and now K wants nothing to do with N. This is triggering my own issues with the sudden ending of a nine-year friendship that is still somewhat raw.
Trigger #2 – K comes from a wealthy family, and I am leery of wealthy families because my most sadistic abusers were also wealthy. I have an aversion to anyone “in society” because I view those people as threats – it was “society” people who hurt me as a kid. I have been working very hard to assess people based on their character and not by their pocketbooks, but having the “rich kid” screw over my kid steps all over my childhood triggers.
Trigger #3 – My kid only lashed out at the other kid because he was hurt by a deep wound being opened. (In fairness to the other kid, he had no idea about my child’s emotional wound. Side note – The other kid has forgiven my child, and they are getting along fine now.) I suspect that one reason K is pushing N away is because he believes there is no excuse for saying something so mean, which tells me that K doesn’t know what it is like to have been deeply wounded. I know what it was like to be deeply wounded as a child, and it hurts to know that my child has been wounded as well (different cause, but a wound is a wound). The whole dynamic of someone who hasn’t been wounded judging someone who has stomps all over my triggers.
So, I am blogging about my crazy … um, I believe I was told to call them “confused” … emotions as I try to process fifth grade kid drama as an adult and not a triggered child.
Photo credit: Hekatekris