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Archive for November 18th, 2011


I had an interesting “vision” (for lack of a better word) last night. The first half is safe for all readers. I have included religious triggers for the second half of the blog entry.

As I have shared before, the holidays are tough for me from Halloween through New Year’s Day. I still don’t know why. I feel tense as bedtime approaches, have trouble staying asleep, wrestle with nightmares, and then feel exhausted the next day. Last night, I was praying about all of this, especially for relief from the pressure and emotional pain. Here is what I “saw”…

I was walking in the parking lot of my church toward the church building. I “zoomed out” so I could see myself from the outside, and I was this buff warrior woman, like an Amazon. (Trust me – Nobody would describe me physically like this!!) I had bulging, strong muscles, and I was tall. I was a powerful warrior.

Then, I looked in a full-length mirror and saw a skinny, scared little girl. She was wearing a thin, cotton nightdress holding a teddy bear in one hand, and she looked terrified. She was the complete opposite of the powerful warrior looking in the mirror.

That imagery was powerful for me. I have grown into a powerful warrior, but I still see myself as a scared little girl, which means that I ACT like a scared little girl rather than a powerful warrior when I feel threatened. I was able to see the irony of a huge, powerful warrior hiding in a corner when the “threat” could be easily overpowered. I am no longer the helpless little girl I see in the mirror. I need to see the warrior when I look in the mirror.

***** religious triggers *****

So, then I prayed about how to stop seeing myself as a helpless little girl and start seeing the truth. I immediately remembered what we have been learning in our Beth Moore Bible Study, Believing God:

  1. God is who He says He is.
  2. God can do what He says He can do.
  3. I am who God says I am.
  4. I can do all things through Christ.
  5. God’s word is alive and active in me

In our last lesson, we focused on #3, which is the hardest one for me – believing that I am who God says I am, not who my abusers said I am. Beth Moore recommended memorizing the following things that the Bible says about God’s children: they are forgiven, accepted, blessed, chosen, adopted, and redeemed, all because they are loved. It is going to take me a while to get there, but at least know where to focus my energy. That vision is a powerful way to do this.

Image credit: Amazon.com

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