As a child abuse survivor, I have seen some of the worst that the world has to offer. I have seen betrayal, pain, and trauma. Most of you reading this blog entry have seen this as well. I have also seen some of the best that the world has to offer – compassion and kindness. Ironically (or perhaps not so), I have found the deepest compassion in those who were the most wounded.
When I found Isurvive (a message board for child abuse survivors) back in 2003, I came to the site as a vulnerable and broken person. Being vulnerable was dangerous to me because, as an abused child, my vulnerabilities were used against me. I probably would have committed suicide if my love for my young child had not outweighed the very deep pain in my spirit. I was deeply wounded and did not know if I could ever heal.
At Isurvive, I encountered some of bravest and most compassionate people I have ever known. These complete strangers, each of whom had his or her own story of horrors, took time out of their lives to support me, a complete stranger they knew only through the screen name of “Faith.” At a time when I was surviving, quite literally, minute by minute as I battled a deluge of flashbacks of horrors from my childhood, these complete strangers gave me the two things I needed the most – their time and their compassion.
What is the best way to make a difference in this world? I think the best way is through compassion and kindness. You don’t have to found a charity or join the Peace Corp to make a difference. Sometimes we make a difference through the little things we do, such as speaking a kind word or offering someone a shoulder to cry on. Compassion doesn’t require a grand gesture – some of my most compassionate moments have been received through someone’s silent presence.
You might wonder how “lowly me” can make a difference in this world. My answer is through kindness and compassion. Everything you do that is motivated by kindness and compassion makes the world a better place one baby step at a time.
You have the power to make a difference. It might be through mentoring someone who is in a painful place that you once were or donating a contribution (no matter how modest) to a worthy cause. I have found that my calling has come out of my deepest wounds, and the time I invest in my calling is even more rewarding to me than to those who receive my investment.
This blog post is part of the Vittana “Make a Difference” blogger challenge. The contest invites bloggers from around the world to discuss various ways to make a difference in the world, as well as share stories on who or what has made a difference in their lives.
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Blooming Lotus 
Thank you for writing “I have found the deepest compassion in those who were the most wounded.” I find this to be true also. I’m also a member of isurvive.org: the people there are always insightful and caring. (Wish I could write well – sorry about that.)
I be nice because I am selfish. It makes me feel good. It causes me to experience things in a way which is good for me. Simple.
That being said there is something I have noticed. There is the risk of being compassionate and then experiencing ostracism by a group. Becoming the one that deals with all “bad” things and being left out of the “good” things.
It is a weird dynamic and feels like they save me for the troubles or this lets them be untroubled or pretend to be untroubled with others.
I have also experienced resentment that I know of peoples troubles or perhaps shame that I do.
I really do believe that no kindness is a waste and is well worth the risk. Even something simple like treating the tech support person with respect makes a difference. That it can get you extraordinary tech support sometimes is a bonus. Takes not effort to be nice when it goes they way you want. The challenge is when it does not.
I really go with a gift not with out debt is not any gift at all.
I also feel like I connect and have great compassion from others who have been wounded in a similar way I have. I feel like I connect with you on so many levels, including the fact that what is keeping me moving forward is the young for my young child. Without her, I don’t know where I would be at this point. It’s a scary feeling not knowing if I will ever get better, if I will ever be able to feel normal..
I had a breakthorugh last night though. As I was making a wreath from yarn and a shower curtain ring, the yarn became completely entangled and in knots quickly. As I worked to get this huge tangle out so I could continue making the wreath, I almost gave up and started over. It was so badly tangled, I thought, “I’ll never get this mess undone.” However, I realized at that point how symbolic this was for me. I AM that yarn all tangled.
After realizing this, I was more determined than ever to get all the knots out. I continued working and getting frustrated, and finally got them all out…. except one little tiny knot that was barely noticeable. As I sat there thinking about it, finishing the wreath, I came to the conclusion that this is symbolic of the fact that I CAN untangle my life. That small knot will always be there– the sore spot of the memory of what happened to me, but there is so much more to my life than just this one knot. There were experiences in my life that I cannot change, but I’ll eventually be able to become (mostly) untangled with diligence.
Hi Laura,
What a great story and analogy!
It reminded me of something I heard about Navajo weavers and how they intentionally leave a mistake in the rugs (also known as a spirit line) so that the rug will not be perfect.
It also reminds me of why I like the bagpipes so much.
How, even though the vast majority of the notes are uniform and in sync…there is always that one high, shrill note which doesn’t quite gel with the other sounds.
Thanks for sharing this.
I use my anger to fight for people when they need/ ask for help.
Love to you Faith. Thanks for all your kindnesses.
Peace,
m
Sometimes the (seemingly) little things can turn out to be the biggest things.
Once when I was contemplating suicide, I went to the grocery store to buy some cat food.
Something came over me and I decided to make eye contact with others in the store.
What I received were free smiles from maybe 3 or 4 different people.
It was enough to keep me going and those folks, in just those few fleeting, loving seconds will never know how much they helped or what profound impact it had upon me.
Little things can mean the most.
The first thing I read here in replies is something I’ve said for years and have never heard anyone say before. It pleased my Soul alot to see.
I try to do good for others because it makes me feel good. Full stop. Not because I’m a good person but because I feel good from it. And if by being human one can not escape a certain element of selfishness (look at the human race, selfishness rules) then this is the selfishness I only want.
Saying also if doing good makes a human feel good what does doing bad do?? This is why i also say often the core of being human is being good not being bad. Being a paingiver is so not human!!
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