Yesterday, I talked about healing from abuse you don’t remember due to being very young when it happened here. Today, I will address healing abuse you don’t remember due to having been drugged when it happened.
I, myself, was drugged as part of my abuse. I know this through connecting the dots of my flashbacks, not from recovering an actual memory of ingesting a drug. In 2004, I was diagnosed with allergies and started receiving weekly allergy shots. Each time I received a shot, I experienced a strong headache that would not go away no matter how little was injected into my body. My allergy doctor referred me to a local headache specialist who could find nothing wrong with me.
I started paying attention to my reaction to the shots and realized that getting a shot was triggering me. It didn’t matter what substance was entering my body. It was the shot itself that was causing the problem. I employed the methods I use to calm myself down when triggered, and … voilà … I was able to manage the headaches.
I have some triggers for which I have not recovered any memories, and I suspect the reason is that I was drugged when I experienced the trauma. One example would be my very strong aversion to splinters. If I see a splinter in myself or another person, I get extremely lightheaded and have to do deep breathing and get away from the splinter to calm myself down so I don’t faint. I don’t have this reaction to anything else I can think of – not to blood, shots, or other more common triggers.
At this point, I don’t feel the need to go searching for the cause of the trigger. If I need to remember in order to heal, I trust that I will. If the cause happened while drugged, I might never recover the memory, and that is OK, too. It is enough for me to recognize that splinters are a trigger for me and to give myself permission to have a friend or doctor deal with my child’s splinters since I cannot.
Photo credit: Hekatekris
Blooming Lotus 
For me a trigger is a memory. If I have a trigger than there is a memory that can be brought into my consciousnesses. For a long time every flashback or trigger was from me something to work on. That is not longer true.
I do have a list that I call Ravel. Unravel and ravel mean the same thing. How cool is that?. We are very very careful what goes on the list. Sometimes it is days as we all need to agree. I do not know if I will ever go over the list. I am good with that.
It seems that for us it is more about we all want to be and when that happens integration happens.
If we know we want to process a memory we find it helpful to Frame it. It is framed by two points in time. We actually see these as points. Different colored balls all lined up going each way away from us.
The huge chunk of memory that we are working on is what we call an open ended frame. We have a start which is a small blackboard which we wrote our name on. As I write it was our full name. I do not know how to spell my middle name.
Anyway we can work on those memories now as we have them framed. There are frames within frames.
We were drugged after we wrote out name and it was erased. It was also broken with a hammer. Than put in one of the jars and put on the shelf. That memory is new to me as I write.
Often a memory is like having a concussion. I remember a time before and a time after and everything else is stored differently.
Some may have noticed that my comments have been longer as of late. The reason I was “trained” to key punch and this adversely effected my typing and just started again now I wrote that. I am smiling. So what is really going on with my long comments is that I can type faster. That and I have more clarity of brain, It is pretty cool for me.
For me with the drugs I can only remember what my senses took in, As I write the memories of a plane ride after I was drugged and the clean slate thing went on are coming to me. I am all good with it and only need to know I will need lots of rest and sleep at some point.
So I can remember the times when I was drugged. Even when in an induced coma.
There has been a change in the last few months. I more ride the wave of memory rather then drown and recover still in the memory. The reason for the change is that there is less memory waiting to crash down on me. A person does not get to pick what memories they have to crash down on them. That is from choices made by others.
Hypnosis was a big issue as was the drugs. It no longer is that big of an issue. It is often said that you can not hypnotize a person to do what they would never do. This is in part correct. The way it works is the person is tricked into thinking the gun is not loaded by repetition, It is also important that the hypnotist needs to be in control and time will dilute the suggestion.
Sometimes I will have a trigger and it gets confused. You know those nips of alcohol? I have been chasing that one down for a long time, Colored water was used in the programming by the cult and not the MKUTRA program. It was stored in empty nips. I was confused as I was triggered by some little bottles wine and thought it was alcohol that was the trigger. .