Yesterday, I talked about healing from abuse you don’t remember due to being very young when it happened here. Today, I will address healing abuse you don’t remember due to having been drugged when it happened.
I, myself, was drugged as part of my abuse. I know this through connecting the dots of my flashbacks, not from recovering an actual memory of ingesting a drug. In 2004, I was diagnosed with allergies and started receiving weekly allergy shots. Each time I received a shot, I experienced a strong headache that would not go away no matter how little was injected into my body. My allergy doctor referred me to a local headache specialist who could find nothing wrong with me.
I started paying attention to my reaction to the shots and realized that getting a shot was triggering me. It didn’t matter what substance was entering my body. It was the shot itself that was causing the problem. I employed the methods I use to calm myself down when triggered, and … voilà … I was able to manage the headaches.
I have some triggers for which I have not recovered any memories, and I suspect the reason is that I was drugged when I experienced the trauma. One example would be my very strong aversion to splinters. If I see a splinter in myself or another person, I get extremely lightheaded and have to do deep breathing and get away from the splinter to calm myself down so I don’t faint. I don’t have this reaction to anything else I can think of – not to blood, shots, or other more common triggers.
At this point, I don’t feel the need to go searching for the cause of the trigger. If I need to remember in order to heal, I trust that I will. If the cause happened while drugged, I might never recover the memory, and that is OK, too. It is enough for me to recognize that splinters are a trigger for me and to give myself permission to have a friend or doctor deal with my child’s splinters since I cannot.
Photo credit: Hekatekris