As I shared here and here, I mutually ended a nine-year dysfunctional friendship in August of 2011. I wrote about missing the friend but not the friendship here. Grieving that loss has gotten easier. There are still aspects I miss, but it gets easier every day.
Over the weekend, I pinpointed what I miss the most. That friend and I would spend hours together every Saturday at her house sitting quietly and talking. There was no TV or radio blaring in the background, and our children would play in another room. Even if they got loud, the walls were thick enough that I was insulated from having to hear it.
I recognized this weekend that in losing that friendship, I have lost the sanctuary of time set aside every week for a quiet conversation with a friend. Most of my friends have boys (the ex-friend has a daughter) who are as rough and tumble as my own son is, so when we visit, there is typically a cacophony of noise in the background. I no longer have a set amount of time each week for quiet conversation where a friend and I are not DOing anything but, instead, just enjoying BEing together.
I don’t need to bring that friend back into my life to have this, but I do need to figure out a way to build quiet social time back into my life. I get this somewhat when I meet a girlfriend for lunch, but there is still the background noise and hustle and bustle of being out in public. I also don’t have a set time that I see a particular friend week after week other than my son’s playground, which falls under the “cacophony of noise” umbrella.
My New Year’s Resolution is to let go. I want to let go of having to “do” all of the time. This is a difficult one for me, especially being such a workaholic by nature, being married to a workaholic, and living in a country where workaholism is revered. Setting aside time to “be” is counter-culture in the United States, but it is something I desperately need.
Photo credit: Hekatekris