I recently encountered a saying that struck a chord with me:
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain. ~ Author Unknown
If I waited for the storm to pass, I would never dance. I think this is true for just about anyone with a history of abuse or not. Really – Have you ever met the one person on the planet who isn’t encountering some difficulty in the present moment? I haven’t. Even when people are in a “good” place in their lives, struggles abound. Of course, the level of struggle varies, but it is still a struggle.
If I waited for the skies to be 100% sunny before I danced, I would never dance. Life is filled with storms, and how I react to and in those storms says a lot about the person I am becoming.
When I entered into therapy, I said that my goal was to “get over” the abuse and “be normal.” My therapist said these were unrealistic goals but that I would experience a higher quality of life through healing. I didn’t get it at the time, but now I see what he meant.
I am always going to have a history of child abuse. I cannot wave a magic wand and make that history disappear. However, I don’t need the storm clouds of my history to part before I can dance. I can enjoy my life – right here, right now – no matter what I am facing.
In fairness, in the early years of healing, I wouldn’t say I experienced a lot of “enjoyment.” I was too busy dealing with horrifying memories and learning how to process my emotions. However, I did experience reprieves, even in the early months, in which I felt alive – really alive for the first time. Those moments were fleeting at first, but they grew longer over time.
I don’t think I will ever experience a time where everything in my life is just the way I want it to be. However, that doesn’t mean that I cannot enjoy my life. Sometimes I will experience joy after moving a mountain. At other times, I will experience joy simply from being alive. My circumstances don’t have to dictate the quality of my life.
My sister would likely agree that joy is not defined by our circumstances. In her travels to Belize, she met some of the most joyous people in some of the most impoverished circumstances. She traveled as a scientist, not a tourist, and she met many of the locals who feel rich if they own a pair of shoes or a bicycle. I know many people who have outwardly achieved the American Dream who are miserable.
I have always liked the saying, “Make lemonade out of life’s lemons,” and “After the rain, the rainbow.” I am going to add this one to my list as well.
Photo credit: Hekatekris
Blooming Lotus 
I am new to your blog and read through a lot of it yesterday if anything to find some answers to my life. I thought about it all a lot last night,and how it was, and yet today your post is so uplifitng. I suppose I will have to find the answers to all my questions in my life, but thank you for writing so openely about you rlife, it has helped me so much. I am riddled with guilt and sadness and yet I am happy in my everyday life if that makes any sense?
Please dont stop writing, there are so many of us reading and finding small answers to our own problems and the shadows that haunt us!
After having left convectional therapy for a while I came up with the goal of dying a happy old man and tried psychoanalysis which I turned into expressive therapy. I then decided I did not want to wait to be an old man to be happy.
I once told my therapist my goal of therapy was to make it unnecessary as soon as possible although I might avail myself of its benefits from time to time.
My goal became “To dance beneath any sky with both hands waving free.” Michael
I sometimes work time and materials. It sounds great the more of the clients money I spend the more I make. It is horrible but not as bad as being on salary and having no work. (It is great for about three weeks,)
i prefer to enjoy lemons for what they are.
Love the quote Faith. Just what I need today! and Michael, “I then decided I did not want to wait to be an old man to be happy.” – what an awesome decision! 🙂
Also loved “I prefer to enjoy lemons for what they are.”!!!
It is funny to me that the make lemon aid out of lemons and enjoying them for what they are is not a contradiction. It can be, I did not mean it to be. I do not have the illusion that I know what making lemon aid our of lemons means to Faith. I do know she is not going to use to to tell someone else they need to just get over it and be happy.
Many saying are like that. We all make choices comes to mind. That is true as it is true that we all have to deal with choices that others made. Some do not get the choice to heal as fate has not given them the opportunity. Some will die never having had the chance.
Sometimes dancing beneath any sky means a lonely dance of having memories come into ones consciousnesses where the dance is finding shelter from the storm. Sometimes the dance is keeping ones head down and facing the storm not knowing where the edge of the storm breaks just going with if you are headed into the storm the edge the storm is blowing towards you. Often the strength of the storm it to great to move against and all you can do is tack.
Sometimes the fierceness of the storm treats you like a tumble weed hoping to crash into something to stop the motion with the hope of digging out later. Those are the nights that never end.
That is interesting to me. All my other storm stories were about winter. Those from the MKUTRA facilities do not know of snow. Least not that of which I know.
“When I entered into therapy, I said that my goal was to “get over” the abuse and “be normal.” My therapist said these were unrealistic goals but that I would experience a higher quality of life through healing. I didn’t get it at the time, but now I see what he meant.”
This is great. It’s a really profound thing that can still come as a surprise after years of sifting through this stuff.
On a fairly vaguely related note, I came across something I’d like to bring to the attention of anyone interested here. I can’t remember seeing it mentioned before. Project Unbreakable is an ongoing photography project “help[ing] heal those who were sexually abused by asking them to write a quote from their attacker on a poster and photographing them holding the poster. Rape survivor and advocate for victims of sexual abuse, Yvonne Moss, describes the project as a way for victims to take the power back of the words that were once used against them.”
**Warning: site may be very triggering**:
http://projectunbreakable.tumblr.com/