I saw the Ears, Nose, and Throat expert (ENT) on Tuesday and had a CT scan performed. The ENT found no issues with my sinuses at all. He said that 90% of reported sinus issues do not originate in the sinuses. He doesn’t doubt there is something “wrong,” but it is not sinus-related. His speculation is migraines.
I was beyond frustrated because I just want to feel better, and it’s hard to know how to feel better when you don’t know what’s wrong with you. I went through this with my infertility. I was told over and over again that there is no medical explanation for why I haven’t eventually gotten pregnant through numerous medical procedures. Nevertheless, 16 years have passed without me ever getting pregnant. (Trust me – pregnancy is the LAST thing on my mind these days.)
I took a step back and thought about what could be causing the sinus pain and headaches. I started noticing just how much stomach acid I have churning. I suspect some of the pain is coming from reflux, which has been an ongoing issue for me. When I first started therapy, I lost my voice a few times. It took a while for me to recognize that reflux was kicking up my stomach acids and tearing up my vocal chords.
I don’t see reflux as a cause, though – it’s a symptom of stress. Yes, I have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but my stress goes well beyond that. I starting thinking about the last 15 months of my life, some of which I have shared and some that I haven’t. Just on the list I have shared includes …
- Breakup up 9-year friendship
- Cold/sinus infection (Jan through Feb 2012)
- Emotional meltdown over summer – never determined exact cause
- Issues with special needs child
- Sinus infection that went into vertigo (Dec 2010 through Feb 2011)
- Stressful, low-paying (was promised more than I was paid), part-time job that I have since quit
I haven’t shared about issues I have been dealing with that involve supporting others in my offline life since those issues are not mine to share. The big picture is that three people I am close to are dealing with lots of anxiety related to economic issues. I also have two people I am close to dealing with health issues. Being strong for others eventually takes its toll.
I think the bottom line is that I am just plain worn out. I have been running on empty for so long that I don’t even remember what it feels like not to be running on empty. I am not quite sure how to get out of this hellish place. I have prayed, cried, tried to take time for myself, etc., but at the end of the day, I am still trying to be a rock for too many people with too little time to recharge my own batteries.
Photo credit: Hekatekris
Blooming Lotus 
Faith-
I wish I had some word of wisdom for you but I don’t. I have been ill since the first of Jan and we can’t figure out what is wrong. It’s coming down to what you said my body has just had enough and is exhausted. I’ve been on high dose of steroids just to be able to breathe. These drugs make my moods very bad. My flashbacks are getting horrible and were hoping it’s just caused by the high doses of steroids. Depression, suicide thoughts, irriatability etc all goes had in hand. We all have issues to deal with and we can only do so much. But I know what it is like to deal with a special needs child we adopted one at 9 years old. When your down it’s hard to deal with everything. He is a challenged but I love him so much. I’ve been told by my doctors that I’m not complete bed rest until further notice. That was over 3 weeks ago. I can’t do this anymore. I’m not a sit and do nothing person. Hopefully they will at least let me go back swimming. Well I’m sorry I don’t have alot of words of wisdom. Please take care of yourself. Your in my thoughts and prayers. It’s hard to take care of ourselves when other count on us so much. For us we needed us putting eveything on the back burner. My husband is very ill and will be having surgery next week so we decided to let everything do that can wait. Were have someone come in to clean once a week. Cook one day a week and freeze the rest so we don’t have to cook and clean. This is temporary fix to a huge problem for us. We just finally had to put our selves first. We’ve gotten some flack from it but you know I’m doing no favors for others when you not feeling good. I’m just hoping will improve for us and I wish you the best also. We do care about you and hope things get better. Eventually things get better and I hate that when someone tells me that. So I hope you the best.
Thumper
all of what you share here makes sense. keep talking, just keep talking/typing. you havehuge support here, huge.
Try getting hold of Barley Life. I’m in another country but believe it originates from the USA. My son was literally permanently sick with things like sinus and bronchitis for 3 years, untill we discovered that. He was a different child in three months! It is now 10 years+ later, he hasn’t been on it for ages and he is still healthy.
You might like to look into Rife therapy and Ozone therapy as well…
Good luck!
Please take very gentle care of yourself, Faith. You’re important, you deserve time for you. Know it’s hard, really hard, when everyone wants things from you and even more so when you were taught to “make everything ok”. Only thing that’s ever worked for us is the word “no”, wish there was an easier way… You can only do what you can do.
Thinking of you,
Bay
We want to be strong for children, but well … when we’re being strong for other adults, we are actually taking their power away from them. We, in effect, are making both them and ourselves weaker.
At least that’s what I’m learning.
Take gentle and loving care of yourself. And maybe even tell the other adults the truth of what you’re needing. That way that miserable ‘whatever it is’ can get out of you AND you can let it go.
For me I get ill when my processing trauma is interrupted. All trauma processing has been interrupted many many times and this does have the effect of feeling like nothing has worked as nothing has worked.
In a real way the cycle of trying to process has just got smaller and smaller as there is less trauma to process. It does seem to be that the earlier trauma processing
For me most external circumstances are not the cause of my illness rather a exasperation.
As a practical matter for me the sun is the key. If I do not have enough sun than processing WILL be interrupted. Once the processing is interrupted. the sun makes me sick for a while.
I throw out the term processing somewhat haphazardly. It happens many different ways and always starts with a traumatic memory coming into my consciousnesses and ends with grieving. That simple and that complex.
This may be incorrect but is in my head. You played the piano-you were up in the middle of the night-you got sick. Just throwing it out there.
Hope you feel better. It sounds very frustrating.
I’m sending well wishes your way.
Peace,
mia
Hi Faith
Before you shared this last post I was thinking that perhaps your problem could be migraines. Let me tell you my story.
I was having similar problems with constant headaches and what was being diagnosed as sinus infections. As long as I stayed on medication I had some relief but not total relief. This was back in the day when Claritin D was a prescription. As long as I took that my headaches were better but not gone. In the past other Dr’s had suggested that I had migraines but I didn’t accept that diagnosis. After all I didn’t have all of the typical migraine symptoms. I had never had one bad enough to end me up in the emergency room. I didn’t have nausea or vomiting, or light and noise sensitivity. Even though I had suffered from headaches for as long as I could remember. Then one day I had a new symptom. I had these flashing jagged lines and lights in my eye that lasted about 20 minutes and it scared me. I went to my eye Dr and he told me about migraine aura’s. Now I had a symptom I could no longer dismiss as a migraine symptom. From here the headaches became so bad that nothing over the counter would even touch them. I went to my Dr. who had been diagnosing me with sinus infections and asked for something for migraines. He prescribed narcotics. I knew there were better options out there so I decided to find a new Dr. When discussing my headaches and what medications I was taking the new Dr. told me that Claritin D can cause headaches in some people and took me off that. After a month or two my symptoms calmed down and the daily headaches stopped and I noticed that my migraines had formed a pattern and were occuring with my monthly period. With all the other drugs in my system it was masking this. I personally think I was in a rebound cycle. From here I could have a headache for one day to one every day for three weeks or anything in between. But over time we found some things that worked and now I’m down to a headache for one day a month. Sometimes it’s a little worse but not nearly like it was. And guess what else I discovered. I do have nausea but I never connected it to my migraines because for what ever reason in me it comes before the headache. I get nauseaus first and it goes away slightly before the headache starts. My counselor told me that couldn’t be because the nausea was from the pain. Well not in me it’s not. It comes first. I also discovered that I don’t have allergy problems at all. And in the last 10 years I have not been diagnosed with one single sinus infections. You may just for the fun of it read up on migraines. There are much more to them than just head pain. There is nausea, light and sound sensitivity, dizzyness, tingling, fatigue, etc. There is also a pre migraine phase, a migraine phase and a post migraine phase each with their own set of symptoms. Each person is different in what they experience. I wish you success in finding your solution.
I hope you have support offline aswell as here, take care x x x
Faith, it is good to hear from you but sorry you are suffering so. I think it is good you have made the connection between the physical illness and the stress in your life, it’s a first step towards reclaiming what you need to thrive again. I suffer from stomach problems which are extremely severe physically at times, but which I believe to be totally caused by stress and anxiety. Like your infertility and current issues, no physical case was found after investigations. They are, in that respect, ‘psychosomatic’. Alice Miller wrote an interesting case study of a woman who underwent numerous medical procedures and investigations for chronic stomach pain, there was no physical solution, it was only when she went to the next level of processing her child abuse that the pain stopped. In my own case, I get debilitating stomach and vomiting attacks of great severity when remembering traumatic incidents/ not looking after myself or all parts of myself/ from one particular part of myself who as yet only knows how to express her pain this way. Given that, might it be worth you recalling when you first had these sinus pains (as a child?) and focusing on caring in particular for that part (albeit integrated). I don’t know, but I hope you can carve out some more space for your own emotional needs. Definitely over past months I have got the impression that you are overstretched in real life – with many jobs, a demanding parenting role, a husband who often wasn’t going out of his way to address your needs and loss of a best friend. That is a lot to deal with on top of the aftermath of trauma; you deserve a big break of gentleness and being cared for…
This may be relevant too, from an online article (Lesley Schneider):
“Throat
The fifth chakra at the Adam’s Apple. This energy center controls communication. Its normal position is as open as possible. When shut down, we have difficulty expressing ourselves. Sometimes we get a “lump” in our throat when we are not expressing what needs to be expressed. This chakra also contains telepathic channels in the sinuses and ear canals. When people constantly throw their opinions at us or think about us doing something for them, like phoning home, their energy gets dumped here. Physical symptoms of blockage include sore throats, sinus headaches, colds and earaches.”
Hi Faith:
I’ve dealing with my own bout of exhaustion for the past few days. I have Chronic Fatigue which is a direct result of the abuse at the hands of my female parent. Being in a constant fear state for decades taps out the adrenals. I felt a migraine from hell coming on. I had a severely debilitating one a few months ago when I was trying to “force” myself to go with a new therapist who was triggering to me on so many levels. (I ended up staying with my current therapist). The pain was so bad I was shaking for days. No medicine would lessen the pain. I felt like this one was going to be repeater and I have a deadline coming up for school that I can not miss. I was reading an Alice Miller book and she mentioned rage, specifically how unexpressed rage can manifest as migraines.
A few days before the migraine started I had a really intense therapy session. We talked about the rape that happened to me last June. It was hard for me to stay present but I managed even though I was hyperventilating most of the time. Think I was finally able to feel the terror of that hour that June.
I went for an acupuncture appointment. While the needles were in, I had extremely satisfying fantasies of mutilating the rapist body. Very strong revenge fantasies that flowed one right after the other. It was very stream of conscious. I felt about 80% better. I then went home and wrote a letter to the rapist expressing my share hatred of him. The language I used was appropriate for the occasion. I mailed it to him. For those who may worry, he never knew where I lived and I have since moved and legally changed my name.
I slept most of yesterday and finally feel like I am beginning to come out of the fog. I might do an exercise class this evening even though I still feel pretty weak.
It takes a lot of energy to repress emotions. A lot especially when you’re tapped out because of abuse. I really have to take care of myself. This may seem obvious to many but it’s not obvious to me; again the abuse.
I have to remind myself of the basics: taking my acupuncture herbs/vitamins, drinking water, grooming. My sponsor says part of my making amends is the amends I have to do for myself i.e. extreme self-care.
Hope you’re doing better.
Toni
Sounds like you need to care for yourself as a top priority for a while…maybe for a long time. However long it takes. You cannot support others if you are going under yourself. I wonder if you could detach for a while from the others, even if they need you, and focus on your own healing? It sounds like you need to be supported now.
I hope you feel better.