Archive for April 5th, 2012

Many child abuse survivors have remarked that my positive relationship with my sister is not the norm. Of course, I only know my own experience, so our relationship seems plenty “normal” to me. :0)

I think one reason our relationship works is because it is based on love and acceptance. We have both always loved each other, and it has always been a pure love. While we were forced to do things to each other by our abusers, we never once did anything to each other outside of duress. We both knew we were safe with each other. Also, both of us had our sister’s life used as the primary means of controlling us. We each understood the duress the other was dealing with.

As for the acceptance part, my sister has always been better at this than I have. She was a wonderful role model and patient teacher. From my sister’s end, she was always 100% accepting of where I was on my own healing journey and never tried to change me.

As I shared previously, with her “warehouse” internal filing system, she always had access to all memories if she chose to look, which means that she had ready access to a slew of memories of my child abuse. However, she went along with my self-delusions of being innocent, even though I was so determined to “forget” that I created almost a caricature of innocence. She never mocked that but, instead, embraced the lie.

As long as I needed to believe that I was innocent, my sister played along. I don’t know to what degree this was conscious and how much was subconscious, but she always treated me as if my self-delusion was truth. If she had not, I doubt we would have been as close because I couldn’t handle the truth for most of my life.

Then, when I switched gears and was ready to face my truth, my sister adapted immediately and confirmed my deepest fears. She went from co-conspirator in my self-delusions to my strongest healing supporter in milliseconds.

My acceptance of my sister’s experience was different. I’ll get into that tomorrow.

Photo credit: Hekatekris

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