One of the blessings of having some people in my life who “knew me when” is hearing an outside perspective about how much I have grown since I chose to heal. A friend came to visit over the weekend who knew me when I was going through therapy. By the time I met her, I was seeing my therapist every other week and had worked through many memories. However, I was still struggling with the ritual abuse memories and had not even begun many of my transformations.
Before therapy, I was very rigid and controlling. I was obsessed with having a very specific schedule for my son. He needed to eat at exactly X time, and the world would end if he got to bed one minute late. I have changed so much that I sometimes “forget” about how rigid I used to be, which is where some of the longer friendships really help.
On Saturday night, I watched a movie on DVD with my “old” friend along with a couple of “newer” friends. What’s funny is that one of my “newer” friends has known me for five years versus this older friend’s seven years, but that just shows you much growth I apparently experienced just between those two years.
I made a crack about how I know I am dealing with someone uptight when I am the one advising the other person to chill out and go with the flow. My “older” friend jumped in and said, “You know. You really are so much more ‘go with the flow’ than you used to be.” She said she really noticed the change when I visited a couple of years. She expected me to have a detailed schedule for the whole day, and she was pleasantly surprised by my “whatever” attitude – “The kids can eat whenever… They can go to bed whenever…” She said she was amazed at how much more relaxed I had become since we first met.
I frequently only see how far I have to go, so it is refreshing to hear an outside perspective on how far I have come. No, I am not a completely carefree, spontaneous person, but I am also to the rigid, scheduled person that I used to be, either. It’s exciting to notice the progress!
Photo credit: Hekatekris
Congratulations~! That is so sweeet to realize something like that. I hope you do something just for you to celebrate progress!
Peace,
m
That is exciting to see. I can see such growth in your writing as well. You have come eons . . . you are doing a great!
I am happy in my heart to hear that you have changed in so many ways. Healed. It brings me hope.
I keep little contact with old friends though i know they do not understand why. I find they had not known how to respond to knowing i was in therapy again. They all know my mother as well. It is diff for them to “understand”.
I made a friend recently which is huge. She does not ask questions or pry into what i can not will not trust yet with her. But she “gets” it all even without my saying the exact issues dx.
So. To know that friends see a positive change is good. . Hopeful. My old friends see my tendency toward agoraphobia(modified). .and not calling etc or my old behaviors “changed”. . As not understanding. Unable to relate. Of course ive not shared very important things.
Maybe in time.
I do notice as i try to heal move forward. . I am slightly less cataustrophic in my thnking and less obsessed with minor things. I am less self abusive thats a good thing. Still as anxious. I have hope.
This is a long journey. Sucks. But still here.
I love being able to get outside perspective on myself like that.
Congratulations on the progress.
that’s so great, I’m glad you have people to remind you about how much progress you’ve made x
((Faith)) Bravo! I to have “known” you for years although I do not have DID I am a victim of two gang r**es as a child. I too notice a maturity and softening in your heart. It really becomes you. And even with this “newness” I see a stronger person in spite of your loss of control. I actually come by here to see how you and the kiddo are doing. I am proud of yoiu my “Friend”. Gentle Hugs!
Healing does take time; I find it takes about three years with children, assuming that they are removed from their perpetrator. It is good to hear of your role in your own healing!