Although Mother’s Day is this weekend, I have been doing surprisingly well. I typically wig out at this time of year because of all of the abuse inflicted by my mother. I wrestle with whether to buy her a Mother’s Day card, and I typically get sick along with having panic attacks. I usually take a lot of Xanax to get through this time of year.
This year is finally different. I am not saying that I am 100% “over” the Mother’s Day thing, but I am much improved. I have taken no Xanax other than to help with insomnia while I was traveling last weekend. (I have trouble sleeping whenever I travel, doubly so when I have to share a room with anyone.) It has not even occurred to me to think about Mother’s Day with respect to my mother. No, I am not getting her a card, and it never even occurred to me to question whether I should. For the first time ever, my focus for Mother’s Day has been on myself – I have fun family plans for Sunday.
That being said, I know I am not 100% “over” Mother’s Day because I have been sick. My acid reflux has been bad enough over the last two weeks for me to visit my doctor – again – and go on a two-week sample of prescription-strength medication – again – which so far is not working. I have also scheduled an appointment with a GI later in the month because I am sooo ready to resolve this issue. I also had my annual illness, although this time it was as stomach virus that only lasted about 12 hours (thank goodness).
For those of you who are struggling with Mother’s Day this year, perhaps I can give you a small chuckle. Years ago, I posted on isurvive.org that I was struggling with finding an appropriate Mother’s Day card to send to my mother/abuser. At that point in my healing, I did not see the choice of not sending a card as an option. I was angry that all of the cards in the store were mushy and related ideas that I did not feel or want to convey.
Members at isurvive started creating their own custom Mother’s Day cards for me to visualize sending. While several were clever, my favorite was this one:
Happy Mother’s Day.
Thanks for the PTSD.
Couldn’t have gotten it without you.
~isurvive member (wish I could remember which one!)
Photo credit: Hekatekris