Although Mother’s Day is this weekend, I have been doing surprisingly well. I typically wig out at this time of year because of all of the abuse inflicted by my mother. I wrestle with whether to buy her a Mother’s Day card, and I typically get sick along with having panic attacks. I usually take a lot of Xanax to get through this time of year.
This year is finally different. I am not saying that I am 100% “over” the Mother’s Day thing, but I am much improved. I have taken no Xanax other than to help with insomnia while I was traveling last weekend. (I have trouble sleeping whenever I travel, doubly so when I have to share a room with anyone.) It has not even occurred to me to think about Mother’s Day with respect to my mother. No, I am not getting her a card, and it never even occurred to me to question whether I should. For the first time ever, my focus for Mother’s Day has been on myself – I have fun family plans for Sunday.
That being said, I know I am not 100% “over” Mother’s Day because I have been sick. My acid reflux has been bad enough over the last two weeks for me to visit my doctor – again – and go on a two-week sample of prescription-strength medication – again – which so far is not working. I have also scheduled an appointment with a GI later in the month because I am sooo ready to resolve this issue. I also had my annual illness, although this time it was as stomach virus that only lasted about 12 hours (thank goodness).
For those of you who are struggling with Mother’s Day this year, perhaps I can give you a small chuckle. Years ago, I posted on isurvive.org that I was struggling with finding an appropriate Mother’s Day card to send to my mother/abuser. At that point in my healing, I did not see the choice of not sending a card as an option. I was angry that all of the cards in the store were mushy and related ideas that I did not feel or want to convey.
Members at isurvive started creating their own custom Mother’s Day cards for me to visualize sending. While several were clever, my favorite was this one:
Happy Mother’s Day.
Thanks for the PTSD.
Couldn’t have gotten it without you.~isurvive member (wish I could remember which one!)
Photo credit: Hekatekris
Blooming Lotus 
I have the annual sickness in fall and spring. Well I used to. I know know it was about two deaths before I was three. It really helped for me to get enough sun energy. Hard as what it really did was allow me to process the deaths. The old doing better so I can do more hard work thing.
My mother was not the abuser. She and my father pretty much sold me to MKULTRA without actually knowing what was going on. It was really a way to get rid of an inconvenience in the hopes I would become rich and an asset to them.
I am kinda doing to her what she did to me. I am going to call her the night before mothers day and ask if there is anything she wants to do. She will hopefully have plans. I made her a glass pendent. It took about 10 min and is not anything special.
There is not real joy in the being a jerk. Pretty much just doing as little as possible. Same way she treated me. I just do not have any feeling for her. Happens when you spend the first years of you life in a cage.
Thank you… I was having a particularly hard day with Mothers Day being tomorrow. I just read your post and i could so relate to the mushy card examples! Oh my, the realistic example…. sad but true! I needed a little chuckle! I appreciate your honest posts and I am sure it makes many feel less alone.
Blessings, and may You have a wonderful Mothers Day!
Loved, loved the isurvive Mother’s Day card!
LOL on the card. My favorite one was “I scream, You scream, We all Scream”…. Happy Mother’s day.
I struggled for YEARS over the mushy cards available. I resorted to blank ones and wrote a nice note. I don’t send them anymore either….. It is ok. Mother’s day is a made up holiday for Hallmark to get rich on guilty people. 🙂
Enjoy your day!
Thank you…I needed the validation from others out there from whom this day sucks (if you have an abusive mother), but from whom it also can be wonderful if you honor the mother in yourself.
Great Topic!~ My Birthday is one day after my biological mother, and we both have it on/near Mothers’ Day to boot!
Yes, it has traumatic dissociating memories for me.
I went down with body-memories for weeks, ( NERVE PAIN IS AMAZING LIKE THAT??!!) but I managed to pull myself back together and had a really good day. I nurtured myself by going to my God-Daughter’s 18th Party and my getting myself a new baby pet Cockatiel ( I have had my eye on for 2-3wks )after my other one died of old age ~ a month ago.
My sis and I ignore our biological mother as she is psychotic, manipulative, needy, abusive and an all-round nasty Life-sucker. She taught me ‘not’ to love her. That takes some doing. I have always been proud that I could love myself more – than needing ‘a mother’ / her approval etc. It is a gift not to Love her. I deeply believe in compassion for all things, but not when it compromises your own health.
I wish everyone here sees how they are the nurturer/mother of themselves and honours that part of themself. We listen and respond to our needs and wants. Awesome! Love the Kitty Pic at top of Faith’s thread. 🙂
I had struggled for years with severe acid relux. My doctor suggested Culturelle. It is an an over the counter probiotic. I take one each day. It works amazing. Read up on it and see if it may help you too!