I was doing completely OK until late Saturday morning. My son’s friend spent the night, and I picked up some breakfast for the boys at a local restaurant. As it turned out, the restaurant gave us the wrong side dish for my son, and he got angry with me. I don’t know what it was about that interaction, but I was suddenly SLAMMED with Mother’s Day grief.
I am trying to focus on the positive – that I only got triggered the day before Mother’s Day instead of weeks ahead of time. As a friend pointed out, I typically start wigging out sometime in April, and that didn’t happen in this year. In fact, I was in a great mood while driving out to pick up the food from the fast food restaurant. However, once I was slammed, I was slammed hard.
I spent half of Saturday and all day Sunday fighting off tears. That’s one of the challenges of Mother’s Day – because it is supposed to be celebrating me, I don’t really have the option of blowing off my family to go grieve. I did it in subtle ways, such as taking a Sunday afternoon nap (something I rarely do) so I could have some alone time. I spent the weekend feeling like I had a heavy pit in my stomach – the grief was so heavy.
I just woke up on Monday morning, so it’s too early to say how much residue I still have to deal with. At the moment, I am still feeling depressed with little energy. At least the “holiday” is over, so hopefully I just need to recover from the weekend.
I was able to be objective enough to recognize the progress in only being slammed for half a day before Mother’s Day instead of going through that pain for weeks. I was also objective enough to recognize that this is temporary. That being said, it’s no wonder I have battled my weight (eating to “stuff down” the pain) and questioned my sanity throughout my life. Having to live with the weight of that pain is nearly unbearable.
Photo credit: Hekatekris
Blooming Lotus 
It is good that you can see the shift, even if you can’t feel it. It’s okay to be slammed but i get the sense of false healing. Sometimes I think something is settled and the symptoms ease then the anvil falls hard out of the blue. Having support, timeless support, no pressured support is critical and you have all that and more, here.
“That’s one of the challenges of Mother’s Day – because it is supposed to be celebrating me, I don’t really have the option of blowing off my family to go grieve.”
I understand if you don’t want to, but I think you do have that option. Or you should. It’s your day. This reminds me of arguments I’ve had with people in the past who didn’t approve of my plans for a quiet birthday. They *say* it’s my day, but as soon as I say what I want to do they start saying that I can’t possibly want that, because it’s not what “people do” on their birthdays. Newsflash: I haven’t been “people” since I was a toddler. You don’t have to fit anyone’s box.
I really relate to your post. I struggle so bad with mother’s day. I should be happy because of my children but I dread the day. Also its a big step forward when you can realize that eating issues are connected. I know for me, I have found my weight/eating issues totally tied into my emotional pain. So I just want to say kudos that you recognize this.
I’m sorry you had such a painful mother’s day. You are right, it shouldn’t be have to be that way. But it is what it is. And its completely okay that you feel the way you do. You have been very injured and you are hurting. That is to be expected. Keep pressing forward. You are doing great!
Same here. Bad s*it mothers day. It was orchestarated to only have to go have an hour lond dinner with sister her husband my mother and my daughter. Oh. Goody. I sat between my mother and daughter. I thought i handled it well defending all my mothers negative comments with positive ones for my daughters sake ( as they were directed at her and her education etc). Momma lioness. Proud of me for that. / but fell apart in way too many ways inside and outside since then. Started the loosing ground id gained about 12 hours after seeing the mother. The worstleftover from the meal was my arm feels on fire still where sge nudged me in my shouldee arm and jokingly said ” if i had it to do iver again . .I wouldnt have had children or gotten married”. ( ive heard that before.). i replied looking her dead in eye. .The only time i looked at her. .”you shouldnt have.”.
My mothers day card would have read had i made one.” thanks for the PTSD DID chronic anxiety panic attacks self harm coping skills bulemia anorexia chronic bowel issues . .God bless you for all that. And most especially for the deep seeded anger that actually scares me.”
My mothers day too should have been about my being a good mom abd how great my own daughter turned out. Instead chaos and crazymaking inside and such utter panic last nite going to work i dont even know “who” worked exactly.
Yes. It sucks. Im sorry was a tough one for yofaith. Thankyou immeasurably for this site.
Thank you for sharing the shift in what happened for you yesterday. I like your reframe that it was just on THEE day that it happened. Also, that you recognized it for what it was.
I just found your blog yesterday for the first time. I was on the net looking for other folks who may have been wracking themselves with guilt or confusion about whether to send the card or not to dear old mom. Your strength in your previous post was a relief and your vulnerability you write about today is ALSO a relief, in the sense that it reaffirmed for me that this is not easy and there may be a reason why I was crying all day yesterday…thought it was due to someone not inviting me to a party (?! what ?! It was Mother’s Day). A few years ago, well, 1993, I drank myself silly (i.e., dangerous situation involving blacking out, not much of drinker, so atypical for me) all around Mother’s Day weekend…
Today I returned the two Mother’s Day cards I bought “just in case” I was going to give them. I got $15.69 back from Walgreen’s (cards are expensive!). That felt good and I had you and the folks here in mind when I did it. (as well as my bank account : ).
Take care, everyone. We are here now. Mother is in the past.
We are the present. You are the present to yourself.
Sincerely,
Krista
Mothers’ Day shouldn’t have to be so hard. Offering hugs.