On my blog entry entitled How I Integrate DID Persecutor Parts, a reader posted the following comment:
[W]hen he was trying to ‘put me under’ an odd thing happened: I had this urge to laugh. I didn’t laugh – it was just a feeling that I couldn’t place – but I told him about it. It seemed to disturb him, but we never followed it up, and he said it was difficult to hypnotise me… So that urge to laugh has me really troubled. I haven’t been able to find anything on line that could help me to understand what it’s about, but my fear is that I DO, or at least might, have parts inside me like my mother. God, I would absolutely hate hate hate that. I logically know that the urge to laugh could come from all kinds of reasons, but even coming up against the possibility that I could have anything like my mother inside me is absolutely terrifying and sickening. ~ birdfeeder
This is just an excerpt from the comment. You can read the full comment here.
I have some thoughts on this urge to laugh. If they are helpful, I hope you will find reassurance that your reaction is “normal” and not indicative of having parts of your mother inside of you. Trust your own intuition on whether or not my guess at an explanation fits or not.
I find it interesting that these urges to laugh happened when therapists were trying to put you into a trance. One possible explanation is that your child abuse involved trances, such as hypnosis or other forms. If you had expert abusers “putting you under” as a child (as is common with ritual abuse), then the idea of being “put under” could have triggered this reaction in you.
The laughter could have been aimed at these attempts to put you under because you figured out a way to avoid being put into a trance, so it was a “bring it on” kind of laugh. Another possibility is that being put into a trance was scary for you as a child, but you weren’t permitted to express fear, so you instead responded as a child with nervous laughter. In either case, the act of trying to put you in trance would be the trigger causing the laughter.
In your comment, you said that you do not have dissociative identity disorder (DID). However, you also say that you fear you have “parts of your mother” inside of you. Whether or not you have parts, rest assured that your mother doesn’t have the power to “be inside you.” All parts inside (if you do, in fact, have parts) are YOU, not your mother, which makes them all loveable. You don’t need to worry about your mother living inside of you.
I hope this helps! It’s my educated guess. If what I have said fits, run with it, and if it doesn’t, disregard it.
Photo credit: Hekatekris