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Archive for July 18th, 2012

PhotobucketThe biggest revelation to me in mulling over yesterday’s topic was that I have the ability to be emotionally healthy enough for one person and too emotionally unhealthy for another person regardless of the level of emotional health of the other person. The reason for this is that each of us has strengths and weaknesses. We each have areas in which we interact with others from a healthy place and other areas in which we are far from healthy. That doesn’t characterize any of us as “fully healthy” or “fully unhealthy.” It’s a matter of which part of ourselves we choose to use as a foundation in our relationship with another person.

As an example, before I ever recovered my first flashback (which means I was very emotionally unhealthy in most areas of my life), I was emotionally healthy in my professional life. It hit several bumps in figuring out how to be successful in the business world, but in the years before I left my profession to be a stay-at-home and then started having flashbacks, I was emotionally healthy at work.

I “got” what was expected of me and what to expect from fellow coworkers, and my relationships with my coworkers were healthy ones. I was capable of this despite being very emotionally unhealthy in most other areas of my life. People with professional relationships with me during this time would probably characterize me as “emotionally healthy” based on this one aspect of my personality, but I was an emotionally unhealthy train wreck in just about every other area of my life.

The converse is true today. When I look back where I was nine years and compare it to today, I barely seem like the same person. I have changed in so many (mostly healthy) ways in so many areas of my life. Nevertheless, as you can tell by my blog entries over the past couple of weeks, I am far from having it all figured out. If I were to build a relationship with someone based on those aspects of myself, I suspect that relationship would be emotionally unhealthy for both of us.

This does not make either me or the other person “emotionally unhealthy” as a whole, but that area of my life would not be a healthy foundation for me upon which to build an emotional connection with another person. Also, just because the other person was willing to make this less healthy part of me the foundation of the friendship really isn’t a reflection of that person’s overall level of emotional health any more than it is a reflection of mine.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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