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Posts Tagged ‘enforcing boundaries’

PhotobucketAs I shared in my last blog entry, I am working a ton of hours right now. I am preparing students for the Law School Admissions Test (LSAT), which is on 10/1. This is my first time actually teaching an LSAT class, so I am putting in a lot of hours making sure I know my stuff. I have tutored on the LSAT before and am tutoring two students now in addition to teaching one class and covering three sessions for another class.

On top of that, I am working two part-time jobs online through my other job. One is teaching a class that I have been teaching for well over 18 months, so that one isn’t stressing me out at all. The other job is doing document reviews, which means that I provide feedback on grammar and APA formatting for student papers. That one doesn’t stress me out, either.

What is stressing me out the most is trying to juggle all three as well as childcare for my son since the LSAT classes are all in the evenings or on weekends. Closely behind that is having people in my life who don’t respect the boundaries I have set until I get through this crunch time. I’ll teach my last LSAT class on 9/27. Until then, some things are simply going to have to wait.

Perhaps it is because two of the part-time jobs are online, or perhaps it is because people are used to me dropping things to put their needs ahead of my own (or likely a combination of both), but I have multiple people in my life who have not been respecting my boundaries. In the past, I would feel guilty and stay up until 3:00 a.m. to make time for all of these other requests. This time around, I am getting pissed off, saying no, saying no louder, and then getting downright bitchy about the no. Many of the people in my life don’t seem to “hear” the word “no” from me until I get bitchy. That makes me angry.

Why do so many people think it is OK to make demands on MY time? I am not talking about my kid, who does need his mommy. I am talking about grown adults who think that because THEY want something done now, it is my job to drop everything and tend to it.

I don’t do that to other people. I try not to ask favors of other people unless I really need them (such as asking three friends to each take my son for one Saturday while I drive to another state on three consecutive Saturdays to cover an LSAT class – nine-hours days with five of them spent driving). I always think of the impact of my actions on the people around me.

So, why do many people in my life think it is OK to have a hissy fit about something that directly affects me and then try to bully ME into putting time (that they know I don’t have) into their problems? I don’t get it. I worked 12 hours on Tuesday, only breaking for meals, and people actually expected me to put time into THEIR issues that day! I didn’t even eat dinner until 10:00 p.m.! That is completely unreasonable, and I let them know it.

I don’t understand why people think it is OK to treat me that way. Hopefully the loud no’s and bitchiness will enlighten them that this is not OK.

Photo credit: Rosanne Mooney

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