Posts Tagged ‘friendships after child abuse’

A recurring message that I received as an abused child was one of isolation. I was alone with my abusers. There was nobody to help me.

The Evanescence song Whisper from the album Fallen captures this feeling of isolation so well:

Catch me as I fall
Say you’re here and it’s all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one’s here and I fall into myself
~ Whisper by Evanescence

I might have been alone in my abuse, but I have never been alone in my healing. I had my therapist, who was incredibly supportive and believed in me when I did not believe in myself. I had some close friends offline who listened to my story and became ever more loyal after hearing all that I had been through.

I had a very large support system over at Isurvive, my favorite message board for child abuse survivors. I became close friends with some of the people I met there, and we wound up communicating through email, encouraging one another along our healing journeys.

Since I started writing this blog, I have met so many wonderful child abuse survivors in various stages of healing. Some of them email me, and others post comments on my blog. (Some do both.)

The level of support that child abuse survivors offer one another is amazing. I have been a part of other communities that come together for a variety of reasons, but none are as supportive, deep, and intense as a community of child abuse survivors. The irony is that it is mostly in that community where some people still tend to see themselves as “outsiders.” This has nothing to do with the way they are treated: it has everything to do with their internalized messages from childhood.

You do not have to heal from your child abuse alone. Numerous resources are available, and those who offer their support really do care.

That is why I write this blog. I am a very busy person. I work part-time as an online college instructor and freelance writer. I am a very active volunteer at my son’s school. I am active in my church. I am a stay-at-home mom of a child with ADHD, which has its own challenges.

I do not write this blog because I am bored and looking for something to do. I write it because I care. I remember how alone I felt when I was first going through the flashbacks and thinking that I was “crazy.” I would not have survived the healing process without the support of fellow child abuse survivors – those who either were currently in the trenches with me or had been there before.

I needed to know that healing was possible, and I needed to hear that I was not “crazy.” I also needed to hear that there was something worth loving in me.

All of these things are the gifts that I want to give to you, and many other child abuse survivors have this to offer as well. You are not alone in your healing journey unless you choose to be.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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I am not grateful for having been abused as a child, but I am very grateful for all of the positive things that have come out of my experiences. One of those areas of gratitude is for all of you – Those who take your time to read my blog, post comments, and send me emails. Who knew that something as painful as child abuse could be something to bring so many people together?

I spent most of my life feeling isolated. I no longer feel that way. Since I chose to begin healing from child abuse, I have never been alone. I have met lots of wonderful people along my healing journey.

I have made countless friends over at my favorite message board, Isurvive.org. I regret that I do not have as much time to spend over there as I used to. Writing this blog, along with other obligations in my life, limits the amount of time I have to spend with my friends over there, but they remain near and dear to my heart. Several of my isurvive friends followed me over to my blog, and some even email me regularly. Whenever I am having a tough time, I know that I have a safe place to fall apart.

I feel like we child abuse survivors are coming together, validating one another, and creating a bond that we never had in childhood. I feel honored to know each and every one of you. You are all amazing.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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