Posts Tagged ‘intensity after child abuse’

A friend of mine told me that a recent issue of Oprah’s magazine included an article about binge eating. According to the article, a person has binge eating disorder if he binge eats twice a week for six months.

I died laughing when my friend told me this.

I did not laugh because I disagree. I laughed because binge eating only twice a week for six months falls close to my definition of being “cured” of binge eating. If I could dial it back to twice a week, I would be feeling like I had conquered my eating disorder and doing a jig.

I guess it is only now hitting me just how f@#$ed up I was (and still am in a lot of ways). While many people might look at my aftereffects today and see the profile of a person with serious post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) issues, I see myself as doing pretty well compared to where I was. I guess it is all relative.

I got to thinking about the dissociation continuum. On the far left is normal dissociation, and on the far right is dissociative identity disorder (DID). PTSD falls right in the middle.

A mere three years ago, I will still living on the very far right as a person with DID. Since then, I have been dialing it back and moving toward PTSD on the continuum. To me, this is major progress. However, I must recognize that I still have a long way to go to be on the other side of PTSD on the continuum. I also need to face that I might never get there.

Also, DID comes with its own issues, so those were my focus. The PTSD elements were not as severe as the DID ones, so they were not a priority for the few first years of my healing.

Now that I am becoming healthier, the PTSD stuff is bothering me more. It was always there, but it was comparatively less severe. As I dial it back, I see that there is still work aplenty to do.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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