Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘NAMBLA’

On my blog entry entitled Orgasm during Rape or Other Form of Sexual Abuse, a reader posted the following comment:

I’ll tell you what [sexual abuse] is…it is a theft. Theft in every sense of the word. A recognition about the biology of young lives and sexuality and that our bodies are just NATURALLY WIRED TO RESPOND SEXUALLY…is NO EXCUSE for these monsters to take advantage of this. They impose upon a very real theft and imposition… ~ Brenda

I really like the term “theft” being applied to raping a child, which is what sexual abuse is. This is what bothers me so much about NAMBLA (North American Man-Boy Love Association) trying to sell sexual contact between a man and a boy as consensual “love.” The boy does not know or appreciate what is being stolen from him, so he cannot consent to the sexual contact.

What was stolen from me when I was raped as a child? My innocence. The wonder about what sex might be like. My dreaming and hoping and thinking about what my first sexual experience might be like. My choice in pacing what I would like to experience now and what I would like to wait to experience. My choice of who my first sexual partner would be.

I have never experienced giving away a little more and a little more until I climax into bliss. Once I reached what was supposed to be the climax, a whole pile of dirty laundry fell all around me, ruining what should have been beautiful. I couldn’t figure out why that part of my body “dried up,” causing intercourse to be painful throughout my honeymoon.

A belief that sex is a way of expressing love has been stolen from me, and I don’t know if I will ever get it back. As my child moves into puberty, I want to tell him about the beauty and specialness of sex when I don’t believe in it myself. My ability to prepare him for what lies ahead is gone – I don’t know what it is like for a normal child to experience sexuality normally.

I have been married for two decades and continue to feel conflicted toward sex. I had multiple orgasms as a raped little girl – orgasms that made me feel sick to my stomach and hate myself – but they elude me in a loving marriage. An entire aspect of my life and marriage was stolen before I should have even known what sex was.

I am healing in this area and will continue to heal, but I will never get back what was stolen from me. Sex will alway be complicated and complex when it should be simple. What breaks my heart is having the wonder stolen. That must be such a beautiful part of coming of age, but I will never know because it was stolen from me.

Photo credit: Hekatekris

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

Yesterday, I talked about how the word “rape” applies even when the sexual abuser is a woman. I would like to elaborate on this point today.

Words convey meanings that either capture or detract from the magnitude of the event. I learned all about this in law school. The plaintiff says things like, “Mr. Smith negligently failed to deliver the package to Mr. Jones, causing monetary damages of $X by the delay.” The defendant says things like, “The package was not received by Mr. Jones on time,” which deflects any responsibility by Mr. Smith. The words we use convey a much deeper meaning.

The organization NAMBLA is well aware of this. For those of you who have not heard of NAMBLA, it stands for the North American Man-Boy Love Association. This organization does not view the sexual contact between a grown man and young boy as “rape” – it is viewed as “man-boy love.” If people buy into sexual contact between a man and a boy being “man-boy love,” then it is just another type of “normal” sexual relationship rather than an adult man raping an innocent boy.

Words matter. My point in my last blog entry was that, by denying the term “rape” to victims of sexual abuse by female perpetrators, society downgrades the severity of the sexual contact.

Over at Making Daughters Safe Again, which is a site for those who suffered from mother-daughter sexual abuse, a woman wrote a great poem about claiming the word “rape” to describe her experience with her mother. She said things along the lines of the abuse being just as traumatizing and damaging and degrading and painful as if a man had done the same things to her. She said that a word like “molest” just means “to bother,” and what she experienced was significantly more traumatizing than being “bothered” by her mother. She found it quite empowering to claim the word “rape” and apply it to her experience. It drove home the enormity of the pain that she had suffered.

I have received several comments from people taking issue with my label of “animal rape” for forced sexual contact with an animal. Those people say that I should not call it “animal rape” because the animal was not the rapist. I always invite these people to give me another term to use that captures the trauma of being raped with an animal, but nobody has given me a better alternative to-date. I have never said that I hold the animal responsible – it is the abuser who is responsible. However, having been on the receiving end of male rape, female rape, and animal rape, I can assure you that all of these experiences feel like rape. All are extremely traumatizing, and I will use the best words I can to capture the magnitude of what I, and numerous others, have suffered.

Photo credit: Hekatekris

Read Full Post »