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Posts Tagged ‘progress in healing’

I am feeling a tad depressed at the moment, so I thought I would blog about it, express the emotions, and then put it all behind me.

I spent the weekend visiting with some friends from high school. After I got home, I received an email from a friend from 2004 (who moved away in 2005) and wound up talking on the phone with her for a while. These are all people that came into my life before (or in the early stages of) therapy when I was much less emotionally healthy.

If I ever needed a barometer of how far I have come in my emotional healing, all of these ladies provided it for me. I find it d@#$ depressing to see where they are in their lives today, and it really opens my eyes to the amazing healing progress that I have made. After all, like attracts like, and I was drawn to these people because we were in the same (or a similar) place when we met. Good golly have I grown!!

One of these people has lost custody of her children after bouncing from one abusive relationship to another. Another has been working hard through therapy to heal from childhood issues and finds herself in a home repeating certain dynamics that were painful for her in childhood. A third is only now awakening to her own childhood traumas and has all of this healing work in front of her. Another is living a life that seems very full from the outside but seems to be very lonely and empty from the inside.

I am not saying that my life is perfect, but I am not in any of those places (thank goodness!). I feel amazingly fulfilled in my life. I have some great (and emotionally healthier) friends who I can depend upon. My family life is not perfect, but I have found ways to meet my needs within those constraints. I feel an incredible purpose in writing this blog and in my part-time job (online college instructor for non-traditional students – I am their “cheerleader” who believes in them until they can believe in themselves).

Most importantly, my kid is not paying the price for my emotional crap. I am far from the perfect parent, but my son knows with every fiber of his being that he is loved and safe — the two greatest needs in my childhood that were never met. He might have his own issues to work through, but they will never be the mammoths that I have had to fight.

Setting aside the huge child abuse issues, my son’s reality does not include many of the realities I had to deal with that can happen even in non-abusive homes. He does not brace himself when his father walks in the door in preparation for being yelled at because his father had a bad day at work. He does not receive mixed messages about his value in our lives. I am sure he would tell you that his childhood is not perfect, but he is loved, safe, and secure. Of all of the changes I have made in my life over the past seven years, I am most grateful for providing my kid with the love and stability that I never had.

Photo credit: Hekatekris

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