Posts Tagged ‘rest’

PhotobucketI had a wonderful day yesterday resting. I did not rest the entire day, but I rested enough to feel rejuvenated this morning.

I have been working too much lately, and this will continue for two more weeks. One of my three part-time jobs ebbs and flows. I am teaching students how to study for the Law School Admissions Test (LSAT), which is offered four times a year. The next one is on October 1, so I am very busy teaching a class as well as tutoring. Feast or famine is the nature of the job. I might not work again for this part-time job until 2012, but right now, I am completely slammed.

I worked 9.5 hours for this job on Tuesday PLUS an hour for job #2 PLUS an hour for job #3. Other than short breaks for meals, I did not stop. A month ago, I had not seen a paycheck in weeks. Again, nature of the beast.

I had worked all weekend (am covering a class in another state on Saturdays, which requires five hours of driving), all day Monday, and then this insane day on Tuesday. By Tuesday night, my brain was no longer able to process the formal logic required in class on Tuesday night. I made jokes about it with my class and pointed out that I, like them, needed to take a little time off from the LSAT.

So, I rested yesterday. I had three hours of work that had to be done for my other jobs. I did one hour before breakfast and the other two hours from 1:30-3:30 p.m. The rest of the day, I nurtured myself. I went to the gym and read my book while doing 30 minutes on the elliptical machine. I then did weights before coming home and doing yoga. I took a shower and then camped out in my bedroom.

I kept a scented candle lit all day (lavender/vanilla), and I watched the season premieres of two of my favorite TV shows. I ate what I wanted for lunch. Then, I took a three-hour nap. I was so relaxed that my body actually RESTED! (I continue my struggles with insomnia at night and awaken each morning around 5:00 a.m. with my heart pounding.) After I woke up, I watched a comedy.

Next, I picked up my kid from school. (It was an early release day.) He relaxed in his room for a couple of hours (he is wiped out as well because he won’t sleep when I am not home, and I don’t get home until 10:00 p.m. on Tue/Thu) while I did my other two hours of work. It seemed so easy because I was so well-rested.

Next, my son and I took our dogs for a walk. Then, we met friends for dinner at my favorite restaurant. (Hub is out of town on a business trip.) By the time I went to bed, it seemed like three relaxing days had passed.

I cannot believe how quickly a busy day flies by, whereas a relaxing day seems to take its sweet little time. That is exactly what I needed.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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This past week has been an extremely busy one for me. My son’s asthma flared up last week, causing him to miss some school adjacent to some teacher workdays. So, the net result was having my son home for six straight days. While we did some fun and enjoyable things together, such as an all-day trip to the zoo, I still “lost” roughly 40 hours of time alone in the house to focus on my job, blogging, housekeeping, etc. By the time he left for school yesterday, my head was spinning from all of the things that I needed to accomplish.

My tendency is to dive in like machine and direct all of my energy toward getting a lot of work accomplished. This time, I took a saner approach. :0) I went to the gym and worked out (my usual routine that I had missed during the six-day period). Instead of jumping in the shower and getting right to work (my usual schedule), I went to my bedroom, put on some New Age music, and did yoga and meditation. I lost my “day off” last week (I have made Thursdays my “me” days) due to my son being home, so it had been almost two weeks since I had taken a breather. It took some discipline, but I succeeded in silencing my mind, releasing a lot of physical and emotional tension, and finding my inner calm. Then, I went about my day at a slower (and saner) pace. I probably got the same amount of work accomplished but without the physical tension and emotional intensity that is typical for me after a week like that.

Sometimes we set ourselves up for being too busy, but at other times, life simply throws too much our way at one time. Either way, we are not machines and cannot simply “blow through” our days without ever taking a breather or break. Everyone needs some downtime, whether you think you can afford it or not. If you actually take some downtime, you will discover that you have more energy to get the work done and wind up getting more accomplished than if you had not taken a break.

This is a good tip for those of you who are in the early stages of healing from child abuse and are working through flashbacks on a regular basis. That is actually when I started exploring yoga. I learned how to do yoga by reading Howard Kent’s Yoga Made Easy, and I started getting up 30 minutes earlier to do yoga in the mornings. At first I thought I was doing something wrong because my muscles felt worse after doing yoga than before. I eventually realized that the “discomfort” after yoga was actually what it felt like for my muscles not to be tense! I had carried so much tension in my shoulders for so many consecutive years that I did not know what relaxation even felt like!

Doing yoga each morning helped me manage my flashbacks because, for 30 minutes, my mind and body got a break from the intensity of recovering memories and working through the trauma. I strongly suggest yoga for everyone but especially those of you who are feeling overwhelmed by flashbacks.

Photo credit: Faith Allen

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In many ways, I am surprised that I survived the last two months. First I had the H1N1 virus, and that coincided with a temporary doubling of my workload at my part-time job. From that, I went into a period of insomnia as I prepared to see my mother/abuser for the first time in six years. I had the drama of returning home, with things going terribly with hub being incapable to taking good care of our son, who was having trouble with his asthma. The very next day, I got the call about a concern with my mammogram. The biopsy hurt and took me a while to heal from, and just as that wound was healing, I was slammed with yet another cold. Yes, that pretty much sums up the last two months of my life.

I hate, hate, hate getting sick because everything in my life seems to fall apart. I also lose the will to go on and keep fighting. I can handle the emotional or physical pain, but not both, and I always seem to get slammed with an illness on the heels of very deep emotional pain.

A friend pointed out that it is not surprising that I got sick again. After all, I had not slept worth a darn in months, and I had NO decompression time during this period. My child was home from school, and hub was around doing very little to help out with childcare. Other than when taking a shower, I had very few, if any, moments alone to process seeing my mother again. Quite frankly, I still have not done it unless you count bawling my eyes out in the shower because I simply cannot handle one more day of pain.

Fortunately, the cold seems to be lifting. I took an entire day off on Monday (the day that I am writing this). I took my son to school, sent hub off to work, and then did NOTHING for five hours. I watched a mini-series on TV and then took a long nap. I just took a few moments to pound this out before driving to pick up my son from school. I really needed this break. I decided to make it a “Be kind to Faith” day, and I only did what I wanted to do, which was mostly watch TV and sleep, all of which involved being safe in my room under the covers.

We all need days like this – when we push away everything else in our lives and take a few moments for ourselves. This is not a luxury – it is a necessity. If we don’t ever recharge our batteries, how can we expect to keep going?

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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I Am So Tired!

I was so incredibly tired over the weekend. I would have given anything for a nap on Saturday afternoon, but I spent the day watching other people’s children for two friends who are in crisis. I took a 1/2 tsp. of Tussionex at 9:30 p.m. on Saturday night and then slept straight through for 12 hours. That is just about unheard of for me barring some sort of serious illness.

Hub tried to wake me at ~ 7:00 a.m. because the dogs were being loud. I could not wake up, nor did I want to as soon as I knew that it was the dogs, not the child, who needed tending. My son then came into my room at ~ 8:00 a.m., and I could not wake up then, either. I finally woke up at 9:30 a.m. – after a full 12 hours of sleep – and still felt groggy throughout the day.

I don’t think there is anything physically wrong with me. I think I just finally “burned out” emotionally. I have been running with my metaphorical engine on full throttle for so long that I simply cannot do it any longer.

So, instead of working hard trying to play catch up, I finished reading my book and pretty much laid around. That’s not easy to pull off when you live with a child with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), but I made it clear that hub and child were to L-E-A-V-E for at least an hour so I could actually sit down and watch TV (not football for hub or Sponge Bob for child).

I am rested up yet? That remains to be seen.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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Needing Rest

Hi, everyone.

I am sorry to have posted such an intense blog entry like Ritual Abuse: Forced Cannibalism and Other Forms of Eating Flesh and then disappear, but I needed some rest. My job has kept me hopping for the last couple of weeks, and I simply needed a break today. I may or may not get something written for tomorrow. If not, I’ll start fresh on Monday.

Have a great weekend!

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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