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Posts Tagged ‘silent screams in dreams’

I had another one of those dreams where I wake myself up screaming. I used not to be able to do this. I would scream and scream, but no sound would come out. I have screamed so frequently in my dreams over the years that I have developed lucid dreaming whenever I scream. The fact that my voice does not work correctly when I scream clues me into the fact that I am dreaming. I have learned to push through it – keep screaming louder and harder. Eventually, I will make a noise in my sleep that wakes me up, providing me with an escape hatch from the nightmare.

This happened again last night. I rented a car with three parts (I have patterns of threes in my dreams but don’t know why – perhaps body, soul, and spirit??) that are split long ways. I was sitting in the far right section when a childhood friend jumped in the middle and started driving the car. I didn’t want him to, but I also didn’t believe I had the right to tell him no, so I made a joke about him violating the terms of the rental car agreement. His response was to crash the car.

Suddenly, I was sitting on a toilet (bathroom dreams represent the most private parts of myself) in the dark when I felt two arms grab me from behind. It felt like how an adult might pick up a child roughly – like the adult bent down, put each arm under each of mine and then curled upward so the adult could lift me, and I could not get away. The adult’s arms where in that position but did not lift me – but they held me trapped.

I screamed, wanting my mommy. Someone else walked into the bathroom. I could not see who it was, but I “knew” it was my mother. That just made me scream louder because I knew she would not help me. I thought my mother would be safer than the stranger grabbing my arms, but once she came and did nothing, I was terrified of her as well. I screamed and screamed until I forced myself to wake up.

I think the part about being grabbed from behind is a flashback because I can feel it in the cells of my body. Even though I am awake and alone, I can still feel the warmth and strength of those arms as I am being grabbed from behind.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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