The most popular article on my blog is one entitled Recovering from Childhood Animal Rape. That article has already had over 300 views. I am not telling you this to toot my own horn. (Most articles have far fewer page views.) I am sharing this information to drive home that you are not alone.
When I faced my own memories of animal rape, I was horrified to say the least. This was the form of abuse that my sister most separated herself from, whereas for me, it was the vaginal rapes. Animal rape had not even entered my radar because I was soooo not ready to deal with it.
Then, my sister and I were talking on the phone, and she was saying that there was one abuse that she feared we had suffered but did not want to face. I said it was okay to ask if I had any memories of whatever it was. She said, “It involves a dog,” and then I was free falling. I had a flashback right then and there of being raped by a dog with a camera taking pictures. I confirmed her suspicions and then had to hang up.
Thank goodness for my friends over at Isurvive, and I am so grateful for the chat room. I self-injured, but that did not help with the shame. I was so sickened that I could not look another person in the eye.
I worked up the courage to tell an off-line friend, who knows my whole story. I could not look at her for the rest of the visit, even though she was very supportive. My biggest concern was whether this was the abuse that made me less than human. How could a person participate in bestiality and still be human?
My friends, both off-line and on-line, were quick to point out that bestiality does not equal animal rape. I did not choose the sexual contact, so this was rape, just like all of the other sexual abuse was rape. It took me a while to be able to accept this truth.
Healing from animal rape was hard, but I did it. I can now talk about it without feeling even a hint of shame. Why should I feel any shame about it? I did not choose it. The abuse was an indicator of how contemptible my abusers were but has no reflection on me. I was a precious diamond both before and after experiencing animal rape. NOTHING that another person does to you can change who you are.
I have found a lot of freedom in facing my history of animal rape. Now that I have found my way to loving myself, even after knowing that I was once a victim of animal rape, I feel confident in loving myself no matter what another person ever does to me. Through this realization, I have taken back my power.
If you suffered from animal rape as a child, you are not alone. Many other people know the same pain and shame. You do not deserve any of the shame that you are feeling. That shame belongs squarely on the shoulders of your abusers. You did nothing wrong.
You are a beautiful and precious person just the way you are. Even being raped by an animal could not change the beauty and value of who you are.
Related topics:
- Animal Sexual Abuse Survivors Website
- How to Heal From Animal Rape
- Recovering from Childhood Animal Rape
- Aftereffects of Animal Rape
- Talking with Abused Adopted Child about Severe Abuse
- Trauma Tuesday: Believing Your Traumatized Adopted Child
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
this is the worst thing i can imagine, and since this recent memory, it has nearly killed me and yes i feel not able to look at people, or tell anyone. cause this is soooo horrible. sometimes i really want to hurt myself and feel not even worthy, not even, i dont know how to heal from this with the dog. i used to really loved dogs too.. crap he took that too.
You can still love dogs. While you might need to push away for a while, once you heal this pain, you will be able to embrace dogs again.
Between the dog rape and the traumatic memory of watching my dog be slaughtered, I had a hard time attaching to a dog again. However, now that I have healed those painful memories, I adopted a retired racing greyhound last year, whom I ADORE. My relationship with him has restored all that was lost as a child.
– Faith
I can’t even go near a dog any more 😦
[…] The Shame of Animal Rape […]
[…] The Shame of Animal Rape […]
[…] The Shame of Animal Rape […]
Faith
How can you tell anyone, it is so ugly, degrading, soul destroying and filthy. If anyone knew i would never be able to look them in the eye, it is hard enough having to deal with the human who abuse, but trying to get head round animals hard.
It was very hard for me the first time I told. I could not look my friend in the eye. She said all of the right things — that abuse inflicted upon me is about the abuser and not me. I had to reach a place of accepting that NOTHING that another person did to me, not even animal rape, could change my value or worth.
Talking about what happened helps you to heal. We have several people over at http://www.isurvive.org who have endured animal rape, and they will listen if you want to share your experiences. Go to the Ritualized Abuse forum because that is the forum where most of them talk about severe forms of abuse.
Hang in there.
– Faith
Faith, I have already joined isurvive last week,through reading these few pages but it is very difficult to suddenly say or open up to the reality of the abuse, I can skim round it but I will try.
I started a thread on animal rape in the Ritualized Abuse forum at http://www.isurvive.org over the weekend. Would it help for anyone to share their experiences? Let us know what you need to help you, and we will provide it. Several people over there experienced animal rape, and they are willing to talk you through healing from it.
Take care,
– Faith
Anon,
I posted another message on that thread asking everyone to offer you tons of support if/when you find the courage to post. There is another reader from here who just started posting over there who also suffered from animal rape. She just started posting on that thread, so maybe reading her comments will be helpful since she is new.
Hang in there.
– Faith
Faith
thank you for being so open I have read what you have posted and have posted there as well
I’m sort of late to this thread. This abuse is part of the plan. To destroy the child psyche, sense of humanity, and induce feelings of degradation and shame. It is what they did to us. Not what we chose or would ever choose. They inflicted their sickness on us. In our support of each other, keep in mind whatever words of comfort you offer to others, are words for you too. I know this happened to me from what I see in my images. I never came face to face with it in terms of it coming through me as a flashback though. I know the alter(s) who remember. I think I was only 3 years old. We lived in Germany then. Terrified of large dogs.
Grace,
Thank you for your insights. There is no “coming late” to any of my animal rape posts. I get multiple page views each day on all of the animal rape posts. There are limited resources available over the Internet for healing from animal rape, so thousands have come to my blog for support on this issue.
Take care,
– Faith
Hi Faith,
Have removed posts from isurvive just felt very much like a freak and alone, sorry about that, found it hard as have no safety net at all, still waiting for therapist appointment, so really finding it hard to process the stuff and did not really find support needed, really sorry about that, maybe animal rape is not what people want to hear about, or believe it happens, maybe paranoid, but cannot help that.
Anyway thank you
I am sorry that you did not find what you are looking for. I really hope your therapist will be able to help.
Hang in there.
– Faith
Faith,
Sorry for earlier have responded to post from forum, please dismiss last message and again sorry, feeling very vulnerable at the moment and it is no ones fault but mine. Just want to deny all whats happened and run away.
I have heard people say to move through healing only as quickly as the slowest part of yourself can handle. I understand. I am glad that you chose to post. I will head over there and see if I can help.
Take care,
– Faith
[…] The Shame of Animal Rape […]
Hi,
Have been recovering memories just recently, after a lifetime of having none, and still have not admitted maybe even to myself, what several therapists say: that I have DID. But, this last Tuesday, had a flood of memories, some of which a dog rape with photos occurred. ( actually, I have had this thought, but not with specific memories?) This is the first BLOG, website? that I have really looked at except for “Symptoms of”. I still have to face my therapist with this and don’t want to. I don’t have health insurance and am not sure she even believes in DID. ( she is free and with the county that I live in) I think she thinks that it is something that hysterical people that watch too much TV believe in. But, through Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, which is offered by the county I live in, I have been able to help myself with “triggers” etc. I am 51. And am remembering some really awful things for the first time. Your very honest website has been helpful, in that it is giving me courage to maybe broach the topic. But, I am a bit scared that part of me, when I talk with her, will want to die. And, maybe she isn’t up to to the task of helping me. Maybe I should just let myself protect myself the way I always have. Not sure about all this.
That part is protected by another part. Not sure if she ( my therapist) even understands this. And maybe a qualified therapist, I am scared to talk about all this, and the memories I am facing. But trust that memories (which I have almost none of my childhood) are surfacing because I feel “safe”. So, thanks again. I will continue reading on…..I am glad that you have been so honest. I don’t know if I can tell her everything that I remembered, but will try. And, if not the right time, I am learning to trust myself to withhold if necessary. Do you know of any free resources for DID, that are actually educated in this in Oregon? I am a bit scared to continue on with therapy at this point, unless I know someone who is educated about all this.
Hi, Carly.
I am sorry that you know the pain of animal rape.
I live on the East Coast, so I don’t know about resources in Oregon. My therapist was not a DID expert, but he has decades of experiences working with severe trauma survivors. That was enough for me.
I hope you are able to find someone to help you locally.
Take care,
– Faith
Just saw this and realized someone needed info about DID help in Oregon. Not sure which part you live in, I’m in Lane County (its huge so no worries, Faith 😉 ). Center for Family Development is a great place to start. Not only do they have great Ts that can help with DID (and are familiar with treating all forms of it) but they can hook you up with some outstanding resources for, regarding, and relating to DID. http://www.c-f-d.org/
There’s also a couple professors at the UofO that specialize in DID and all the surroundings for it.
The isurvive.org website also has some great places to help guide you on your way. Down in the resources part of the site they’ve got at least one listed for Oregon. Also, if you ever need to talk to someone who can relate or just vent, they’ve all got great ears for listening and shoulders to lean on when you need it. Lots of support there and they’re not quick to judge on anyone.
I, too, have DID and only just recently got a T (big step there) but I can honestly say its been a good thing for us. I really hope this helps. There’s a few other counciling/T places throughout Lane County. Unfortunately, not alot for DID people here. :s I hear Medford’s got a better selection. *shrugs* Anyway, hope it helps.
Christ Almighty, I assumed I’d heard of every kind of evil in this world. This, as you said, just didn’t enter the radar. My God, Christ, please come back soon; rid the world of this filth. None but a demon could even conceive of doing this. All I can say is that I’m so sorry. I can’t believe all the hell I’ve heard that you and your sister went through, Faith. What monsters you were with.
Anon, Zoe, Karen, I am so sorry. The fact that, along with everything else, they stole your love of animals (for a time at least) just shows the depth of their evil. What other than a Satanic act could violate God’s children and His creatures? You’ll be in my prayers, and so will the destruction of this evil.
You know, Faith, I almost lost love for animals temporarily, due to fear triggered from a disgusting youtube video. I didn’t see it, but the title suggested a dog did something revolting to a human and said “human” seemed to find it funny. I have anxiety and OCD, and in no time I felt a repulsive fear; it was somewhat low-volume, but persistent. I thought, “My God, are all animals so disgustingly mindless? Could my own precious dog have been manipulated into doing something like that??” It was too disgusting and horrible to contemplate. God help us keep away from Satan’s lies and design.
i am all over the place, in therapy, life, internally. i was supposed to be admitted today to hospital but i am going to try not to go. Several weeks ago when the images of animals (dogs) kept barging in, i started blanking out more than usual and therapy kind of came to a halt…but in my mind I could tell I was doing anything i could not to see the pictures of the dogs and what was happening. But what’s strange is that when i would avoid those pictures, other awful pictures came to mind instead, of things unrelated. And things I never saw before. Now I am in a bad, blank depression, feeling abandoned by T, who doesn’t know what to do with me, and seems irritated that I am so mute. I wish I had never got into therapy and strirred this mess up. I need to feel like it’s ok even when it’s hard like this, and it just doesn’t. If it’s too much even for my therapist, what can I do?
Hi, Blue.
No therapist is infallible. Even my T, who I deeply respect, gave me advice in one area of my life that I regret listening to. His advice was probably great for 99% of his patients but not for me in my particular situation. This doesn’t make him a “bad T,” just a human one.
Your healing is not limited by the limitations of one person. You can write here (as you are doing). You can write about your story on Isurvive (www.isurvive.org). You can try printing out what you have written and show it to your T. Perhaps your T is frustrated because of your silence — it is hard to help another person when that person won’t tell you what is wrong. Please don’t think that just because your T is frustrated means that you can’t be helped. There is always hope.
– Faith
Faith,
It means a lot that you responded. Thanks.
I feel increasingly alone and can feel myself hardening to people I trusted. I don’t think of it as T’s limitations; in fact, I totally understand his frustration. It’s my limitation. I am at an impasse where I just don’t have words to say the things that I am feeling, and there are things blocking me when I try to say or write theses things. I can’t stand the thought of him picturing me that way because the images are laden with mixed up feelings that to me are unspeakable. I have been working hard for many years and have never come close to any anger until recently and there is a lot of rage, undirected. This really terrifies me – I feel like I’m trapped and I want badly to escape.
I think of S. more and more and feel so guilty for having the thoughts.
Hi, Blue.
Talking and writing are not the only two outlets you can use. For anger, doing something physical can be very healing, such as throwing things at the wall, beating the ground with a baseball bat, punching pillows, etc. You can also draw, paint, sculpt, or find another outlet to express your feelings.
When you are ready to release the emotions, it feels like a pressure cooker inside. It is like you have glued the lid on top, but the pressure is building and building, which makes you feel like you are losing your mind. If you will release some of the pent up emotions, you will feel a whole lot better. For me, feeling better happened within hours of releasing emotions.
– Faith
Thanks Faith. The things you said are validating and that helps a lot. I’m going to try again today in t…
I actually have an ex-boyfriend who experienced not only the indignity of an animal rape, but of experiencing anal orgasms from the incident. Mostly, I noticed that he is really far more ashamed of the fact that he orgasmed during it than the actual event. Has anyone else ever had to deal with this or know of somebody that has?