This blog has attracted some people over the past year who seem to be more interested in getting into a debate with me than they seem to be in healing from child abuse, which is the purpose of this blog. They tend to stick around for a week or two and then leave. This blog entry is to set the boundaries for this blog. I plan to refer people back to it in the future the next time a debate arises.
Let’s start with what this blog is not. This blog is not a peer-reviewed series of articles written by a professional psychologist looking to explore the definitions of personality and other theoretical areas of interest to some. While I am a highly educated person, my education is not in the area of psychology, and I have never claimed to have any credentials as a professional therapist.
This blog is also not a place for debate. I am not saying that we don’t sometimes have differences of opinion here, but those differences are expressed in a collaborative manner. For example, I wrote about how the practice of yoga can be very healing for a child abuse survivor. While many readers agreed, a few shared that practicing yoga did not work for them and was even harmful to them in some cases. However, they found that Tai Chi or other activities served a similar purpose with better results. There was no “debate” on the value of yoga – there was collaboration on how to meet the needs of adult survivors of child abuse when a particular tool is not helpful.
Now let’s address what this blog is. I started writing this blog after I had been healing from child abuse and dissociative identity disorder (DID) for a few years and had experienced a lot of success in integrating many of my parts. I wanted to share what I had learned with other child abuse survivors to offer them hope and healing. When I started healing, I feared that I was the only person on the planet who was this messed up, and I questioned whether healing was even possible for me. My purpose in writing this blog is to offer the hope of healing to others who find themselves in that position.
I intended the scope of this blog to be solely on healing from child abuse, but reader questions through the comments and through email led me to cover a lot of different topics I had not intended to write about, from understanding DID better to animal rape to enemas as part of abuse to masturbation as a form of self-injury. If it matters to my readers, then it matters to me.
When I started this blog, I didn’t know if anyone would even read it. I told myself that it was worth my time and effort if even one person benefited, and many more than one have told me that they have, so I am going to keep writing no matter how many times people try to turn this blog into a debate forum rather than a healing blog. Ultimately, this is my blog, and I can write about whatever I want on it. I choose to write encouraging words to help adult survivors of child abuse along their healing journey. If this is not what a reader is looking for, I am certain you can find another blog or message board that is a better fit for your interests.
A final word – I am certainly not the final authority on healing from child abuse, on DID, or on pretty much any topic. My advice to all of my readers is the same advice I use myself – Take what works for you, and leave the rest. If you are a survivor of child abuse, it is likely that something on this blog will resonate with you. It is also likely, depending upon where you are in your healing journey, that something on this blog is not going to sound right to you. In those circumstances, that information might not be right for you or it might just not be the right time for you to hear it. That’s okay.
I also continue to welcome other perspectives on anything that I write about. I frequently learn as much from my readers as they learn from me!
Photo credit: Faith Allen
Blooming Lotus 
i am personally thankful you write. your blog helps me a great deal. i value your perspective and your willingness to get into the deeper issues. THANK YOU for putting yourself out there like you do. it doesn’t go unnoticed. You are a warrior and i am thankful for you.
Faith,
I’m really glad you wrote about this. I’ve noticed some very strong “comments” that didn’t seem helpful at all and seemed more like an attack or baiting an argument. The tones in those comments came off as rather harsh. I’ve always appreciated you talking about very difficult things and you made the point that’s the most important: it’s YOUR blog. That’s all that matters, so thank you for writing. By the way, I love the way you established these boundaries. It was stated strongly and with confidence! Good for you! 🙂
I consider this a working resource for me and have found much value from it….. much much much!
Thank you to all three of you. :0)
– Faith
Faith thank you for sharing. I’d like to help share our stories in a creative way and would like to converse privately. It would be great if you could contact me. My agent is The Actors File based in the UK. Their email is theactorsfile@btconnect.com I thought it better in the first instance to perhaps go through the agency that way you know I’m kosher. Love and light T’Nia Miller
Faith,
I just wanted to let you know that I truly appreciate everything you write about. Even though I started my healing journey about a year ago I still feel like I am just beginning. Some of the things you write about don’t apply to me but so much more of it does. I am so glad that you continue to write, and I continue to read everyday! Thank you.
Your clarity of purpose and sensible, consistent boundaries make this blog a safe and healing place. Thank you.
Faith,
hugs.
I appreciate what you write. When I am in a bad place I come and find comfort in knowing that when I am ready to start doing the work to heal, I have a place to come to. Sometimes I am consumed by my past and other times I cant see it and I get so angry at myself for my actions and feelings. Its very confusing to alternate between being so certain and then to be in complete denial. Its a bad spot to be in, because I cant move forward. I dont come here often anymore because of this space that I am in. You give so much – though I know this blog was started as being a means for you to heal yourself and see your own personal growth. Still it has obviously become a source of strength for many others, including myself. But also like Tai0316 said, it’s YOUR blog and you cant control how others will respond to it. They can, however control whether or not they choose to read this blog. Your focus is healing and the struggles you endure and work through to heal – its a positive format for a surviviors of childhood abuse.
Wishing you peace and comfort. Only the best wishes for you Faith.
Palucci
Well-said, and way to go defending your space here, Faith!!! So sorry for the rough and rude treatment you have received of late. I know that people operate from a place of pain when they attack others, but that does not make it any easier when you are at the brunt of it. Keep doing what you are doing. You are making such a difference, and are SOOO appreciated!
Journal of Healing
There’s no point in my making a long comment, because the others have said what I am thinking much more eloquently.
Your blog is a massive help to me and I, like so many, am strongly appreciative of your writing it. Thank you.
Hugs
Pan x
Like all of the other commenters, I appreciate having another view of an abuse survivor who is doing the work of healing. Like you, I am an expert only on my own healing. I know what works for me.
Knowing that someone else is hurting still doesn’t give them the right to abuse another person physically, mentally or verbally. These are great boundaries that you have set and a great example to any one who is beginning to learn how to set boundaries. I believe that we often lead best by example. You are a healthy example of what works for you. Thanks for sharing your journey.
Of course my first inner reaction when I read your blog today was to think “oh no, I must have done something wrong.” 🙂 Obviously a bit of my own PTSD showing. I worry to much that I have done something to upset someone. I read your blog because I learn from it, and because it comforts me. My childhood background is different than a lot of you who read this, but I have my own injuries and I often find the topics written about here helpful to me. And even though I am a therapist and know a lot of “stuff” with my head, the level I deal with people at is with my heart. So getting to be part of people who are talking from their hearts is very helpful to me. I appreciate the blog for what it is. I guess because I am a therapist I probably haven’t noticed if someone became challening and argumentative in blog responses because I am so used to that being a part of someone’s defenses and injuries, but I do understand how it feels when it happens to you, and it becomes a distraction from the purpose.
Another “thanks” from me, Faith. I’m so used to skipping unpleasant or hair-splitting comments I always forget that you’ve had to read them! I’d like to take this opportunity to say that this is the best site I’ve come across for compassionate discussion of the more obscure and/or little-discussed forms of abuse, such as animal-related, and symptoms, such as the post on abuse and respiratory complaints. All the best to you.
Hey Faith,
I am dittoing what everyone else has said, but here goes…
You are awesome, and you do awesome work here at BL.
You’ve created a safe place for people to share ideas, work through their stuff and ask questions or just get some comfort. Thanks for providing a safe place for us all, and thanks for standing up to keep it that way.
You rock.
Peace,
mia
Faith, thank you for your blog, Ive been reading it for 2 years now and it has been a great help to me.
I am also a huge fan of what this blog is. There are some topics that I don’t agree with or relate to, but I enjoy reading what these ideas mean to you and how they have helped you in your healing journey.
I used to have an old Jesuit priest/Zen teacher who said there were a million paths to God. The same is true of the healing journey.
I pondered this a bit. I wonder if this was all the result of your notoriety from the awards.
I was struck by that you seemed to be given a responsibility for accurate information as if you were required to know about possilbe effects of abuse and not just the effects of your abuse.
Anyway like I wrote before Thank you.
Thanks, MFF.
My blog has been getting more attention lately, especially the blog entry on “Black Swan,” so who knows? I am just going to move past this and get back to doing what I have always done — writing about healing from child abuse. :0)
– Faith
Of course, I too, had the first reaction of feeling like I must have done or said something wrong–after all, there have been several times that I have posted, where I have disagreed, or maybe just didn’t understand, where you were coming. And to be honest, there is still a part of me that is now freaking out about being more careful about what and how I say something on here. I
I struggle at times with how ‘easy’ it appears for you, because it makes me feel like it is just one more thing that I have failed at. And don’t get me wrong, I know that what you have done and accomplished, was in no way easy–that just comes from my own frustration. I am no where near being ‘healed’ the way you talk about sometimes! In some ways, I guess it amazes me–because I can’t see a future without this pain!!! You have said to me ‘invite the memories and flashbacks to come.’ And I think: what, is she crazy? I just want it all to go away, I don’t want to TRY to remember! And while I do, atleast in my head, understand what you mean by that, my heart just screams and cries out–no, she’s wrong, that can’t be right!
But, I want you to know, that even though there are times when I CAN’T see where you are coming from, I try to understand that it is where YOU are coming from–it is your story, and your journey on this road. And I’m okay with that. You are a lot braver and stronger than I could ever be!
So, THANK YOU, FAITH!
Theresa, Elaine, and others,
This blog entry was due to comments posted in this blog entry:
https://faithallen.wordpress.com/2011/01/10/blanket-statements-about-dissociative-identity-disorder-did/
I don’t have an issue with people not agreeing with me. MFF is a great example of someone who sees many things differently from me, and I completely appreciate those comments as much as I do yours. They add depth to my own understanding. I have no problem with viewing things from different perspectives. What I don’t appreciate is being “baited” into having a debate about the definition of a personality, etc. That is not my interest.
When I asked my therapist for reassurance that an alter part would not hurt my child, I didn’t give a rat’s @$$ about the theoretical definition of a personality. I wanted reassurance that I would never hurt my child, whether dissociated or not. (I planned to kill myself if I ever hurt him while dissociated.) My therapist’s words that I would never act in a way contrary to who I am were amazingly helpful and healing. Those were the words I tried to share with all of you, including the reader who asked about DID and accountability.
A new reader led the focus away from that topic and into artificial intelligence, etc., and then posted a comment yesterday with a tone that I did not appreciate. I responded back that I have been nothing but respectful, I don’t appreciate the tone, and I will not be continuing the discussion. I then wrote this blog entry to set boundaries for future comments like that. I will refer them back here.
– Faith
I am fairly new to this blog. I am learning to survive with DID, PTSD from child abuse. I want to only say that i know it has helped me too, knowing that there is hope that someday i will integrate and can function on a some normal level. since the first of Nov. i crashed, at 40! 35 yrs later from the abuse and cant work outside of my home anymore. Have a hard time doing everyday life projects. Yet you have given me hope. I know you prob get alot of feed back and i don’t even know if you are able to read this because you have soo many people that love you. Thank you for your thoughts each day, makes me feel more “ok”
Bebopie
Hi, Bebopie.
I read every single comment posted on this blog, and I appreciate all of them. Thank you so much! :0)
– Faith
Everyone,
Thank you so much for your support! You are the best! :0)
– Faith
I was wondering why Faith and I do not argue. I think it is in part as I write in the way it is for me, I have found, perhaps ect.
I stay away from general knowledge of DID like there is always a in persecutor and helpful alter ect.
All generalities are incorrect. Smile.
For me on Faith’s blog things get thrown out there and some hit the mark. I did not write about pre-verabal abuse with any intent it was just what I was experiencing. Faith wrote that some times when full you can hear the body sigh. That started me on a path to the few times I was satiated.
She wrote about a ceremony where she was told she was not worthy. I did not experience one of those in the same way it lead me to the ones that I experienced. That sort of thing.
I not only take what I want I leave what is not true for me alone even if it is stated as a effect of trauma.
I sometimes wonder if with both DID and art the less you know how it is supposed to be the better.
Hi, Michael.
I agree. I didn’t know what was **supposed** to happen, and my integration happened naturally, piece by piece.
I think another reason you and I do not argue (in addition to what you already said) is that we are allies. We don’t always have to walk the same path, but we are heading in the same direction. If I say something that is off the mark, an ally might say, “This is not true for me … here is what my experience is…” Or if it is objectively untrue, an ally might say, “Have you seen [this resource] that presents a different perspective?” It is a gentle nudging toward furthering our healing together, not a desire for an argument or debate. Like all of you, I am on the healing journey, and I am also vulnerable to being triggered.
I really appreciate you and all that you bring to this blog and to my life. :0)
– Faith
Faith,
I choose not to comment often, usually, in that I am uncomfortable in what I write does not reflect what I think (I seem to be very good at this!!)
But what I do like to read is somebody’s own journey from Abuse to treatment and their recovery process. I know from what I read, your journey to full recovery is not as yet complete, but it gives hope to those of us who are struggling with therapy and cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel.
Faith, I say simply this, Thank you for what you are doing.
Gary
Thanks, Gary. Thank you to all of you for your support. It means so much. :0)
– Faith
Faith,
just adding my thank you as well 🙂 I appreciate someone who is able to articulate what I am often feeling.
I am fairly new to your blog, but so far have taken what applies to me as you have stated and left the rest. I was molested by an older male cousin when I was a toddler/preschooler. Thanks for your work.
I’m new to this site and started reading your blogs from day one. While I haven’t been thru nearly as much as yourself, Faith, I’m VERY thankful for being able to read whatever you choose to write. Having just read the previous comments that prompted you to write this entry, I sssooooo agree with everyone else’s comments.
I have to say that a few words and phrases I’ve read here have helped fill in some blanks for me that have been blanks for many, many years – I just didn’t know how to artikewela…errr…I mean SAY them properly 😉 !
I wish you nothing but the best in 2012!
Auntie Crash
Hello Faith,
I’m new to this site and have read each one of your entries since the beginning! While I haven’t been thru nearly as much as yourself, I can honestly say you and those who post comments here, have helped “fill in some blanks” that have been blank for me for many years. I finally decided to put my two cents worth in after reading comments from the last entry – ie this isn’t a debate forum. You’ve been nothing but respectful of EVERYONE who’s commented on your blog entries. Mutual respect seems to be difficult for some, though.
Anyway, all of that is to say there are some words and phrases that have just so perfectly artikewela… errr…said what I haven’t been able to since I started my healing journey after I quit drinking three years ago 😉 !
I wish you nothing but the best in 2012!
Auntie Crash