A reader named Jen sent me a wonderful letter to her body that she has given me permission to share with you. Last week was particularly grueling for me, and I was not kind to my body during that time. I need to follow Jen’s example and seek forgiveness from my body for the ways that I tend to take out my emotional pain on my body. I also need to forgive my body for acting and reacting in the ways that it was designed to do.
Dear Body,
I am sorry for not listening to you, and I am sorry for hurting you when you needed me most. I let you down, because I thought you had let me down.
But really you were just doing what you have been programmed to do. It was not your fault, like it wasn’t my fault.
They tortured you, and they made my mind split from you leaving you to endure it alone. So I am sorry for being absent from you for so very long.
Today I forgive you, and I will allow you to feel your memories and I will hold them and I will accept them, and I will not cover them up by harming you.
Maybe you can forgive me too, for never listening to you, for putting you in that situation, for not being able to get away, and for hating you for so long.
My mind left when you could not. You had to endure the things that were done to you, and for that I am sorry. ~ Jen
Throughout my years of healing, I have learned that I actually have a relationship with my body, and I have not always been kind. In many ways, I have been my own body’s abuser, from banging its head into pillows to overstuffing it with food that it did not need. I have hated my body for having orgasms during sex, and I have hated my body for not having orgasms during sex. I have taken a lot of my anger out on my body even though my body did nothing to deserve it.
In fact, I have a pretty amazing body. I am in my forties and have a body that feels like it is in its twenties. My body looks younger than it is. It can endure 45 minutes on the elliptical machine followed by 20 minutes of weight training. My body can walk three or four miles without trouble. My body is quite resilient and able to adjust to the feasts and famines that I have put it through over the years.
Through therapy, I learned that I need to treat my body as my child. Why do I permit my body to live on junk food while insisting that my son’s body be fueled with healthy foods? I vacillate between caring for my body and abusing it, but my body continues to serve me well. I have spent 2010 trying to make caring for my body a priority, and I am making progress. Part of this progress has come from forgiving my body for the abuse it endured, even though I recognize that there truly is nothing to forgive.
Photo credit: Hekatekris
I can relate to so much you and Jen write about, although I am far from forgiving my body for its ways. In fact, about four months ago I wrote a letter to my body explaining why I hated it. The reason was that I can’t relate to it due to a combination of autistic difficulties with body awareness and dissociation. However, I realize now that’s not my body’s fault. I hope this post will inspire me to learn to forgive my body.
Thanks for posting this, it makes a lot of sense, and I can definitely relate to having expectations of my children to eat and be healthy but not following my own rules/advice! It is important to take care of ourselves.
Another website that I refer to often for healing advice & techniques is Survivor Manual… http://www.survivormanual.com... here’s an article on there about overcoming negative self-talk: http://www.survivormanual.com/2010/03/how-to-overcome-negative-self-talk/
That is an powerful letter/message. Thanks for bringing this up Faith. It is something that many of us forget about… the mind-body connection. They effect one another more than we realize.
Peace,
m
Thanks for sharing my message Faith. I have to keep reminding myself that I made that deal with my body as sometimes I can really hate it and struggle, and I have to go back and read that letter which it helps. I think it is probably an ongoing challenge, but it is one that many of us have to contend with.
I am much better at ‘accepting’ the things my body feels now, its memories. Actually accepting is not quite where I am at, I think I am just more able to feel it without attacking it in some shape or form in order to make the feelings stop. I can feel the memories now and be a bit nicer and compassionate toward myself, than hateful.
Good post. I am not ready for it.
Thanks Faith and Jen for sharing this very important topic. As an incest survivor, I disconnected from my body from neck down as a child. My body still carries many of the memories of abuse. I need to pay more attention to what my body is telling me.
That is a beautiful letter! Thank you so much for sharing it. I really needed to read it today, and be reminded what an awesome thing my body truly is.
I know I used to really think my body was disgusting and dirty. Honestly, for a long time I couldn’t eve touch myself. However, I do know that some of those feelings began to disappear with the birth of my children. That was such a blessing. I began to see my body in a different light. I saw it as this wonderfully amazing vessel that could create and sustain a life. Being pregnant and nursing really helped me in this area. Still, at times, I lose sight of that, and I have days, like today, where reading that letter is a gentle reminder to honor myself and my body.
Lothlorien
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