Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while know that I go places that few people choose to go when discussing types of abuses and aftereffects of severe trauma. It was not easy for me to be a trailblazer in areas such as animal rape or masturbation as a form of self-injury, but I did it because I knew that there were people out there who thought they were the only ones affected by these “unspeakable” issues.
I was ashamed to talk about animal rape and never planned to go public about having suffered from this form of abuse. However, after being active over at Isurvive (a message board for child abuse survivors), I realized that it was so empowering to talk about these “unspeakable” issues. When I posted about having suffered from animal rape over there, I cannot tell you the relief I felt when others shared that they, too, had suffered from the same abuses. I found hope in being able to look people in the eye again after hearing from others who had “been there” that they were able to move past the shame.
One of the most difficult parts of healing from any type of abuse or any aftereffect of the abuse is believing that you are the only one ever affected that way. For example, if you believe that you are the only person on the planet masturbating with a hot curling iron, then you can easily believe that you are just “f@#$ed in the head” and beyond any hope of ever healing. However, when you find out that other people do the exact same thing for the same reasons, you can label what you are doing as a “normal aftereffect” of severe abuse. Suddenly, instead of feeling ashamed for being the “only one,” you can talk with other people about it and realize just how “normal” you are. You were never the abnormal one. The abnormality was the abuse you suffered that led to this extreme aftereffect.
It is so helpful for those who have healed from “unspeakable” abuses and aftereffects to share with others that they have healed. When I tell you that I, too, suffered from animal rape and that I have healed from it, that gives you the hope that you, too, can heal. When you know nobody else who suffered from the same abuse, you have no way of knowing if it is possible to heal from it or not.
Please know that this blog is a safe place to talk about the “unspeakable” abuses and aftereffects. If you don’t want to post a message in the comments, you may email me with your concerns, and I can blog about it without mentioning who contacted me about the topic. You can find my email address under the About Faith Allen tab at the top of the blog.
Photo credit: Hekatekris
Now that I have told, I decide if, when and who. This started with sharing my experiences.
This is not to say that shame, guilt and fear so not enter into my choices. They always will it is part of not being evil. Without shame, guilt and fear I would be as hedonistic as those that hurt people.
Dovetailing with the concept that the term animal rape should not be used. I decide how I express my experiences. This is not to say I will not consider other opinions. It is not my responsibility that there is no term for what I have experienced that is not offensive to some. Their offense does not out way my need to express.
Great post Faith. You are very loved and appreciated… not just for what you are doing, but who you ARE.
Peace,
mia
Hi Faith and thanks for the invitation. Would you be able to do a post on grooming for sexual abuse and how a child can be made to think that they have ‘chosen’ to engage in sexual activities with the abuser and the shame that comes with that belief?
Dawn
Hi, Dawn.
Great topic idea!
I have a full-week series running next week, but I will address this topic the following week. Thanks for the suggestion!
– Faith
Removing the Secrecy to Remove the Shame « Blooming Lotus…
I found your entry interesting do I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog :)…
I know it’s easy to say that we aren’t the only ones to have gone through what we went through, but I truly do feel like it. same sex rape and sexual abuse by some girl my age. and then continually going over there to be “participate” in her “teaching” me how to kiss and “showing” me how it feels like to have sex with a guy. She is so messed up. I found a journal of mine from back then and she had sex with a 5 year old boy around the same time. Why would I still hang around her? Having a crush on her brother and wanting a friend is just stupid. Threats, physical abuse, and emotional abuse and I still stayed around till it turned into sexual abuse. Makes me so aggravated. I hate trying to comprehending this. I hate repressed memories. It’s been 12 years and I am just now dealing with this. I hate not knowing all that happened. Sometimes hard to believe my own memories. Like, I know it happened but feel i’m mixing up/combining memories. Just so frustrated.