I heard on the radio yesterday that more alleged victims of Jerry Sandusky have come forward. According to this article, the New York Times reported that about 10 more alleged victims have come forward (which is consistent with what I heard on the radio) but that the Pennsylvania State Police have not confirmed the number. The police are interviewing these new accusers.
For anyone who doesn’t understand why other people step forward once an abuser has been accused, the reason is that the victims are now more likely to be believed. Even when someone is sexually abused by a “nobody,” the victim risks not being believed. Nobody wants to believe that abuse happens, and the victim is the one who gets interrogated first – not only by the police but by family and friends of both the victim and the abuser.
When and where did it happen? How many times? What exactly did he do to you? Did you tell anyone when it happened? Why not? Why are you telling now? Are you sure it happened? You say this happened over a decade ago – Are you sure this really happened? I believe you believe it happened, but have you considered that you might have mental health issues? Are you sure you didn’t just dream this?
These are questions faced by any child abuse survivor who speaks out in adulthood, even when the abuser is not a celebrity. Imagine what it must be like for boys – many of whom were lured in through a charity reaching out to disadvantaged children – to stand up against a local hero. Heck, a “football god” to many! Who would have believed them?
Also, how many of these boys grew up believing that they were Sandusky’s only victims? How many believed there was something fundamentally “wrong” with them, explaining why they were abused? Once the silence has been shattered, many victims have the courage to step forward publicly and say, “It happened to me, too.”
These young men stepping forward are not doing it for five minutes of fame. They are finding the courage to stand up against the person who took away their innocence. As more victims come forward, it will be more difficult to deny the truth of what happened regardless of how powerful or famous the abuser is.
I hope that all of Sandusky’s victims are getting therapy to help them heal, and I hope that receiving public validation that the abuse DID happen helps them along their healing journeys.
Photo credit: Hekatekris
My son was abused by my ex, who was his stepfather from the age of 10 months. I finally got away from this monster when my son was 19 years old, but he’d been living away from home for about 3 years. I begged and begged him to get therapy. He went twice. He views therapy as admitting this monster had power over him. Although he won’t admit he was traumatized, he smokes pot daily and has no motivation to do anything with his life. He lets his wife take care of him, basically. We are estranged now, primarily due to his complete dependency on her. When my ex was finally caught years ago, it was my son who outed him. Then my ex’s niece came forward. There had been many others, but not one of them stepped forward. My ex got 5 years in prison on a plea deal because my son did not want to testify in court. After my ex got off parole 10 years later, he then went on to systematically destroy my other two boys. I have been told over and over by psychologists, counselors and therapists that these boys ran to him when this monster called, no matter how horrible he was, because they identified with him as their father, the only father they had, and wanted him to love them — no matter that in doing so, they left me, their mother, and a younger brother behind. He provided them with booze and prescription drugs, and because he’d cheated me out of my half of the community property, had money, also, to buy them with. He finally died last spring. But all the years of horror… I know how these creatures tear people apart. And I hope Jerry Sandusky pays for what he has done — with the rest of his life. And that he never gets out of prison, because he has imprisoned, most likely, every child he has harmed for the rest of their lives — and maybe their parents, too.
i know its usless to say but i am so sorry that you experienced this, i hope theyve come back to you.
Hugs,
Alice x
I heard last night on a show a victims process to begin healing is to keep repeating their story over and over and over. I agree with that but I can also see the other side of yes it does take courage to keep telling but at what point in time in life do you say I want to move on and not be this story anymore? For the victims of Sandusky, I can imagine the outrage, feeling victimized all over again hearing his interviews. Because this is such a secret subject, not many people want or know how to prosecute. It is sad that justice is not for the victims many times. If you have ever been in court or seen court cases involving abuse many times it is the victim that is re-victimized all over again. They showed up with courage, told, and then got beat down again with words and made to feel shameful all over again. Usually resulting in them saying this was not worth it! I do not understand the laws and how it can protect monsters. No one else is usually around, so it is basically your word against theirs. Then because you came out and are the courageous one you get downed for maybe having a mental illness or maybe you dreamed it all up because there is an ulterior motive. It is quite sad how we are often treated after the fact. Until more of us prosecute and change some views and laws it will unfortunately stay the same.
Prayers to out to all the silent victims and the courageous ones too. I can only hope they find our blogs and take comfort in knowing you can reach out to a community that does support and care.
April Nicole
http://www.whispersfrommyheart.weebly.com
“but at what point in time in life do you say I want to move on and not be this story anymore? ”
That answer is different for each person. As long as it takes… Think of ones traumatized by 911- a one time horrible atrocity. If they tell us their story at age 99 and cry as they tell, I would never fault them. They obviously still need to be heard and validated and comforted.
When I first heard that he supposedly was under investigation for abusing like 8 kids in however many years, I knew that was the tip of the iceberg. It would not surprise me if it’s in the hundreds… he’s an old guy and likely doing this for years.
When I was growing up in S FL, there was a Sandusky family. One of the children was even named Gerry. I am wondering now if they are somehow related or the same family. The family I knew of was a big football family too, and i believe the dad was a coach… shivers.
There was this one kid who hung himself in middle school. It was totally sad and traumatic… in fact there aren’t words for it. The family was saying that it was because he messed up the big game…. even at the age of 12 I knew that was bull. I’ve often thought that this boy had been abused. It sickened and stunned me that everyone just accepted that an otherwise happy, intelligent, good student would just decide to hang himself one night out the blue over a football game. They all swallowed it and accepted it, no questions asked. I am very curious if this Sandusky is the same one. If it is, he’s been doing this for about 40 years. (I’m almost 50)
The whole thing is just so dark and dispicable. What I do hope is that this issue gets the respect and attention it deserves and people will be less tolerant of it, and more confident in stepping forward.
Oooh horrible picture on your blog. Couldn’t stop on the page to read the article due it – sorry. You do often choose macabre pictures, wondered why? But won’t be checking back here to read if you reply as abit triggered by the picture.
This whole Sandusky ‘crisis’ – I can’t help but feel a huge ball of mixed emotions about the whole thing. Taking advantage of these boys – most of whom were disadvantaged in one way or another – resonates so loudly through all (or many) of my own selves . . .
How many of them, I wonder, ‘asked’ for it as I did; wanting to do anything to gain some love or acceptance that they were not getting anywhere else – trading sex for love, and thinking one automatically meant the other . . . it is bound to have guilt and shame repercussions throughout their adult (and childhood) lives. Hopefully they will be able to come to terms with themselves; to grips with that facet of their lives: that they needed something and did what they did to get that – and that the man who ‘gave’ it was a monster, preying upon their innocent affections and needs. What a terrible thing to go through – I know, I’ve been there, done that – and it’s taken a long time to face that: that as a child I wanted love so badly I was willing to do that (nay, not only ask, but beg . . .). I feel sad for these children.
As men I wonder how long it will be before they realize just how little there is ‘for’ them – how few resources, how few counselors. How many of them are ‘untrained’ when it comes to treating male survivors. How many of them just won’t care about anything but adding “I treated a male Sandusky survivor’ to their hit list, their resume’. And I wonder how society will respond to them (curious as any male survivor could be). Whether this will change anything: perceptions regarding male survivors and their needs, the recognition of the dearth of resources. I doubt it; somehow I imagine they will be left to struggle on – in a few years who is going to remember anything about them? It’s going to be like that Michael Jackson scandal (not that I’m accusing him of anything, but it didn’t change anything – except Michael Jackson’s life). Or other scandals that have surfaced in the past – only to sink down later, leaving their victims to ‘deal with it’ and “move on! why don’t you!” – after ‘society’ has ‘dealt with it’ (in their own mind) and moved on to some other issues (like is Jaylo’s butt too big.)
Survivors. God bless each and every one of them; shower them with blessings – somehow in this world.
Cuz’ Lord knows: they’re going to need them. Each and every one.
And this is why we never publicly accused anyone, because we can’t take all the questions and accusations…always the victim put on public trial, how about putting the abuser on public trial for once instead of assuming he couldn’t “possibly” have done those things? Maybe Sandusky could have been stopped years ago if they hadn’t just ignored it, buried it under the rug, let it languish in bureaucracy…I don’t understand how anyone but a monster could turn away from children who are being abused, but I guess I should, because that’s all many people did when I was a child. Ignore, don’t look, pretend it’s not happening, it doesn’t matter, maybe she deserved it.
Yes, victims are victimized again and again if/when they speak out. Yet, how else to stop the monsters? I saw just last night on television that the mother of one of Sandusky’s victims, who is now 17, had to take him out of his high school due to him being bullied because of him speaking out against Sandusky. I hope this mom sues the sh*t out of that school! What the hell is WRONG with people???