Archive for June 25th, 2010

*******trigger warning — religion*******

As I shared before, one concern I had about beginning therapy was the cost. The therapist I found was not covered by my insurance, but I really wanted to work with him. How was I going to explain to hub that I wanted to spend hundreds of dollars a month on a shrink?

I also did not know how I could possibly tell my husband that my mother had sexually abused me. Hub already did not like her, but I feared that he would not believe me. Heck, I barely believed myself. I went back and forth every other day questioning whether I was just making this stuff up.

I had only one therapy session before hub, my son, and I were going back to my hometown to visit with my mother as well as other family and friends. My therapist (T) said that I needed to cut all personal contact with my mother (visits and phone calls) for the first few months of therapy. I balked, saying that there was no way I could do this. He assured me that, if I chose to continue having personal contact with my mother, it would greatly impede his ability to help me through therapy.

So, I worked up the courage to lie and tell my mother in front of my sister (who knew ahead of time) that I was entering therapy for “childhood issues” and that the therapist wanted me not to have phone calls or visits with any family members just for a few months. My mother was surprisingly supportive as long as she believed that my sister would be cut off, too.

Hub and I then visited with my grandparents, who gave me a $1,000 check for Christmas. They had never done this before, and there was no way I could have seen this coming. I kept tearing up because I knew this was God’s hand. Not only had I been provided with the funds for several weeks of therapy, but this gave me a segue for telling hub about the abuse. I began by saying, “I know what I want to use this money for…” I took a deep breath and told him the truth.

Hub was completely freaked out but also believed me. He talked with his parents, who told him that he needed to be 100% supportive of me going into therapy if I believed that I needed it. So, all roadblocks were cleared for me – finding the therapist, the money to pay for it, and the courage to tell hub what was going on. This was one of those rare moments when I knew as it unfolded that God was moving in my life.



Photo credit: Hekatekris

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